Life as a Mummy

Today I feel like crap - Ellie's beautiful sleeping/eating pattern of three hours has disappeared. Now I'm struggling to get her to go down for a day sleep unless she's near me, so in the morning we have a sleep together in my bed and in the afternoon I can sometimes get her in the cot but today she's sleeping on a cushion next to me on the couch. Obviously, I am not getting much done in the house while she sleeps, which is annoying because by the end of last week I was doing really well and feeling up to cleaning and having the house cleaner was really making me feel good.
Her night routine is bad at the moment, too. Last night her longest sleep went for two and a half hours. The other sleeps were one and a half hours, 1 hour and 40 minutes and she was so hard to settle for most of them. I have no idea why she's suddenly changed her routine. Growth spurt Wind Over tired I don't know, but I am finding it really hard. It's so frustrating, especially when she's so tired and wont settle or stay asleep for a decent time.
I feel like everyone thinks I'm going to be a good mum while I am here thinking I am anything but. I end up in tears very easily at the moment and I don't feel like I have enough to give Ellie. Last night I was thinking James should stay home with her because he's so good with her and that maybe he'd be better for her development. I hate feeling like this. I just look at her and want the best for her and I don't know if I am giving her that, plus I don't know how I can when I am feeling this upset, tired and frustrated.
I know it's normal to feel down and overwhelmed in these first few weeks, but I also know that I need to be aware of the fact that I am probably more likely to get post natal depression... I am just hoping that what people say is true; they keep telling me that it gets better. If it doesn't, I'm not sure I can cope and I am not sure I would be able to have another baby, which will be so sad, I want a baby boy!
I know, I am complaining alot. I do love being a mum, I love my beautiful baby girl, she's so perfect! I love her to death, it's just tough.
James is beautiful with her, too, which really makes me proud. Though, lately he's not spending as much time with her, but he's so doting.