Our Family Christmas

We've had some busy days. Christmas Day we got up, did pressies, had breakfast, got the girls and ourselves ready and were out the door, on our way to James's mum's before 9am. Ellie wasn't as into unwrapping her gifts as I had hoped, we had to do it for her, but she did love her Igglepiggle!

We spent all day at James's mum's, Ellie had a great time playing with the dogs and having all the attention. Kahlei was quite unsettled, poor little bub.

Boxing Day we travelled up to my families festivities, again, Ellie had a wonderful time entertaining all who would watch her. Kahlei was unsettled again, she seems to be a colicy baby also. Awesome.

The next day James, Kahlei and I went shopping in the morning while Ellie gallivanted about with Nanna and Grampy. At 2.30 I had the girls booked in for a pixiphoto shoot, so we tried that. Neither was really interested in cooperating! Kahlei cried everytime she was put down and Ellie wouldn't smile unless she was given a ball to throw. There were some gorgeous shots of both of them, though. Unfortunately, I didn't realise how expensive a package would be, so we just ordered the free one.

Afterwards it was time to pack up and drive out to Kangeroo Valley where my extended family would be spending their time until New Years Eve. Ellie was thrilled to find more people to pay her attention!

We spent a night and most of the next day there, playing games, chatting, having a good time... Unfortunately, James had to work this week so we had to leave late Sunday arvo.

Since coming home Ellie has been really good considering she went from having so many people around to do whatever she wanted to having just me and Kahlei. I am very proud of her. Kahlei didn't fair so well, yesterday she had to be held ALL day and slept poorly until the evening, when I put her down in her cot and she slept until her midnight feed.

Thankfully, Kahlei has been an angel today, having nice big sleeps and not so much crying. Ellie and I have been able to spend some quality time together, which I was really hoping I would be able to do once we got home. Plus, it's really nice to have a break from a crying/whinging baby!

 

Merry Christmas!!

Only one day until Chirstmas!

I love this picture of Ellie reaching for our Christmas Lights, even though it's a bit blurry, there's just something about it.

Have a wonderful Christmas, everyone!

Haven't We Been Here Before??

Isn't this photo just the cutest? Ellie is completely obsessed with holding Kahlei but really doesn't like when she cries, so here Daddy is helping Ellie try and settle her.

This morning was spent trying to settle Kahlei. She would fall asleep, I would put her down and in no time she would be awake and crying again. I couldn't play with Ellie at all before her nap because I was spending all my time with Kahlei, I did manage to get her to lay on her mat and have some tummy time for a moment while I got Ellie some morning tea.
Thankfully, Ellie slept in until 7.05 this morning for whatever reason (I would love to figure out exactly why to try and encourage more of it), so I am not too tired.

In just over three weeks I will start trying to let Kahlei settle herself to sleep, I really don't want a repeat what we had with Ellie, it just went from one sleep issue to the next. Whether it was settling/staying in cot issues,  hourly wakings, cat naps, sleeping in our bed ... I feel like we've had it all at one stage or another with Ellie and I would like to think that we've learnt something from that very trying time , even if it doesn't feel like it right now!

At least I can now look at Ellie and see that there is, in fact, light at the end of the tunnel.

Well. I should get going but first I have something very important to say:

Happy 50th Birthday Grampy!!
Have a great day, we love you!

Bless

I had to share this photo of my gorgeous girls. Today has been hectic, crazy, full of tears and tantrums but this precious moment will keep me smiling through the rest of the afternoon until James comes home to relieve me!

Two Will Do

I have always wanted 3 or 4 children. Always. Now, I am thinking my two girls are enough.

I would love a little boy, however, I can't imagine going through all of this again with two children to look after. I don't know if I could cope with the pain plus upsetting both girls by not being able to pick them up or do our normal daily things.

I have to admit that feeling like this is also based on the fact that this time around my birth experience wasn't as wonderful as when we had Ellie and, again, I promise to write an entry on this soon. I feel somewhat scared of what a third c-section would be like. Would it be better or worse than this time? Would recovery take even longer?

Soon enough I am sure to forget feeling like this, however, and be happily planning addition number 3. I do have some 'rules', I suppose you could call them...

1) Don't even think about it until Kahlei's at least 1 year old! My poor body needs a break!!
and
2) I need more support. I told James this last night - if we want to talk about another child (or more) I need to be nearer to my family. I don't care who moves. Us. Them. Whatever. What I want is the ability to have someone who can help without having to put their life on hold for a few days or a week. Someone who can come over for an hour, a day, a lunch time. Someone who can hang the clothes, watch the kids while I nap, sit with me for a chat and a coffee. It has to be someone I can feel comfortable enough to tell them what to do and, as I mentioned to James last night, I have been telling Mum, Dad and the boys what to do my whole life, making them perfect candidates!

The first rule he agrees with.

The second? I don't think he believes I'm as serious as I actually am! I realise that being closer doesn't mean they could always help out, but when I needed them they would be there and I just want it to be easier to see them. I don't want it to be months between visits, I don't want them to miss out on important moments in Ellie and Kahlei's lives. I don't want it to be like this. But it probably wont change because nobody listens and everybody is too stubborn.

I'm stubborn, too, ''m just in a situation where my stubbornness can't out-stubborn everyone else because they're all where they want to be :(  (I want to hear an 'Aww, poor Becky')

Okay, my peace is over - baby number one is finished lunch and whinging which means baby number two is a bout to need something, followed by a tantrum by #1 and more crying from both! Today's going so so well ;)

First Day Alone

Today is our very first full day alone. Ellie is very clingy and doesn't like when I have to tend to Kahlei. I am trying to get her to help, she will hand me a nappy when I ask but that's about all. I also try to have Kahlei on her mat near us while she's awake and we're playing and tell Ellie to talk to her about what we're doing. All Ellie wants to do is get on the mat with her, though!

We all had a nice nap together this morning and Kahlei has slept most of the day, so Ellie and I have just played together. We've chased each other around the coffee table, read books, built a tower, had lots of snuggles and kisses, sang songs and the like. Now, Ellie is lying down on the couch next to me, watching a cartoon - she is very tired, but wouldn't sleep when I tried to put her down for a second nap - I'm not really surprised, it was just wishful thinking that she would sleep again!

The most difficult part about being alone is nappy change time for Ellie. I, obviously, cannot get her up onto the change table so I get her to climb onto the couch (with a cloth nappy on for protection). Unfortunately, she feels quite safe on the lounge which means a whole heap of wriggling and trying to get away on her part and a whole lot of struggling and holding on tight on mine. It makes me quite sore...

Recovery has been harder this time around, I believe, although it is hard to really remember. I am still experiencing pain and having to keep up my panadol to stay on top of it. I feel my worst at night before bed, my incision site gets swollen and aggrivated, especially on the left-hand side.

We had a better night last night - only because we decided to have Kahlei in our room as the night before last was a shocker! Ellie was a terror yesterday and I am hoping a good night sleep will mean she's better today. So far she has been, but it is only early.

Update on How We're going

Kahlei is now 1 week, 1 day old and we've been home since Saturday - I will get around to writing an entry about the birth at a later date, I think, for now I will just do a quick update.

She's a good baby, really, although she does have her days and nights mixed up. She sleeps so well during the day but trying to get her settled at night is a pain. I got about 4 and a half hours sleep last night, which I wasn't impressed with! Luckily, Ellie manages to sleep through Kahlei's crying, whinging and carrying on for the most part. So far we have only had Ellie end up in our bed once.

Ellie loves Kahlei and adores giving her kisses, but if Kahlei's crying Ellie will copy her, trying to cry like a baby. She doesn't understand why I can't pick her up which has been really tough on me and her. She has learnt to climb up on the couch to sit with me and to climb into her highchair on it's lowest setting (so, it's practically sitting on the floor). James made her some playdough to keep her occupied for some of the time but I feel bad that I can't get down and play with her like I normally would and to top it off it's been miserable and wet so she can't even run around outside! I think she might be going just a tad stir crazy. Hopefully, it will soon clear up and we'll be able to go out for her to let off some energy!!

James has been working hard, cleaning and taking care of Ellie, he's been so good. I bet he'll almost be glad to be going back to work! I'm certainly NOT looking foward to that :S

New Bubba

Kahlei Aurora Hopkins - 4th December 2008

I'm to tired to actually write anything right now, so that'll have to come another day.

1...

Since seeing the anesthetist yesterday, everything suddenly seems so much more real than it has previously. Now, I am feeling pretty nervous and scared.

He told me of the possibility of having to be put to sleep for the procedure, which completely freaked me out - I mean, I know it could happen but I felt like he was pretty much saying that he thought that's what he would have to do, but I might have just overreacted.

I really don't want to be knocked out for it. I want to know she's okay, hear her first cry and see her. I don't want to wake up and not know what happened, where my baby is or if she was alright.

Today, I saw my doctor and he did well to allay my fear somewhat, he gave me a script for some sleeping pills for tonight, which also contain something like Valium which will help me be a little calm...

I was feeling better and then we came home to a whole big issue with our neighbour, which stressed James and I out and that has triggered me worrying about tomorrow again!

So, the next time I write I will be the mother of two girls! (Well, assuming the ultrasound was right ;), until then, some pictures of my gorgeous girl on her last day as an only child!

2... Truly Terrifying

The title 'Truly Terrifying' could almost be about the two days we have to go until my c-section, unfortunately it's not.

Yesterday afternoon I experienced the most terrifying moment of my entire life.

It all started with a rather frustrated phone conversation with James. I hung up the phone, barely two seconds after Ellie had walked out of my sight and started to follow her when I heard a strange gurgling noise. I rushed out to see Ellie's little face all red and her gasping for air.

She was chocking.

I ran to her and tried to see what she had in her mouth, her tongue was all curled up in her panic and I couldn't tell. I started hitting her on the back and trying to figure out what to do. I was screaming her name, telling her that mummy would help her but I was completely blank. I sat there, petrified she was going to choke to death in my arms and I couldn't think. For a fleeting moment I remembered someone once telling me their boyfriend had been chocking and the hospital had given him coke, then I thought about my first aid training from years and years ago but I looked down at her little body, lying over my knees as I hit her back, and didn't know where to press, what to do. Ellie was grabbing at her neck, tears running down her face as she looked up at me from where I had her laid. All I could think was "You can't just sit here, you have to do something!" I felt like I had been sitting there, struggling forever, when in reality it was merely seconds. But, seconds count...

So, I got up, put her in a 'football' type grip, with her under my arm and my forearm wrapped around her tummy and ran out the door, down the front steps and got to the bottom of my neighbour's stairs when Ellie finally took a huge breath and let out a cry.

I checked her to make sure her airway was clear before returning home. I took her into my room, sat on the bed, hugged her tight and just cried. She sat there, looking up at me with a cheeky grin on her face and all I could do was cry.

I rang James and he asked my why I didn't ring 000? Honestly, it didn't cross my mind at all. I thought maybe our neighbour would know what to do and I suppose if she hadn't she could have called them while I continued to try to dislodge whatever was stuck.

Ellie and I sat on the bed, playing and chatting for some time, I just wanted her there with me so I could hug her and make sure she was really okay. Looking at her I felt so guilty, things could have turned out so differently, I felt like I had failed her in a major way.

I was mad at myself for not having any idea what to do. I was mad at myself because it was only in the last week or so that I had watched Oprah, they were talking about how an overwhelmed mum can't function well enough in an emergency situation and how easy it is for things to go wrong in such situations.

This week has been overwhelming - apart from being 38 weeks pregnant, sore, feeling sick and exhausted, I have been so stressed out about James being sick as well as getting everything ready for Bubby's arrival and being nervous about having a c-section - it all just got to a point where I couldn't think clearly, couldn't figure out how to deal with an emergency.

I intend to look into a First Aid course now.

Here's some pics of my precious girl talking on the phone to Nanna yesterday afternoon, for some reason she puts the phone behind her head, lol.

 

3...

I tried to get James a doctor's appointment today, unfortunately, the earliest I could get him into see my doctor was NEXT Thursday, the earliest I could get him into another doctor at my surgery was Friday afternoon and the earliest I could get him into the other medical center was Wednesday. I was feeling quite frustrated with the lack of help I was receiving! I tried to swap the Wednesday appointment I have with my doctor to James but the receptionist wouldn't do that - I asked her to ask the Doc if he would see James instead of me and she said she would but I think she was just blowing me off.

Then I had to ring Chrisco, as Mum had bought as a hamper for Christmas which came on Saturday but the frozen stuff (ie the MEAT, frozen vegies and apparently important ice cream we were relying on this week) didn't come. We got the same thing in both boxes. Apparently, they are going to organise to redeliver it and pick up one of the extra boxes... I'm hoping it happens nice, easy and stress free, however, we have read some horror stories that are making me just a tad nervous!

After spending the day Saturday waiting for our delivery and letting James rest we went out yesterday to get the remainder of things off my list but we didn't find anything! I was starting to worry (okay, I'm way past starting to worry about anything...), especially about not being able to find some PJs to wear... I'm not sure I want to be naked in the event of visitors!!

But, it's okay!!

My Mum has come to the rescue, apparently she had already bought me some and is going to get me another pair. I love my Mummy :) (I love her even when she's not buying me stuff :P).

As we went out yesterday it meant Ellie had her first ride in her new seat. She looked so small. The two seats take up a whole-lotta-room! We literally can't have another baby until we have a bigger car that can fit three car seats and since children have to stay in a car seat much longer these days it could be over 6 years if we still have a small car!   

I told her to smile, she decided to pose instead! She cracks me up :)