You + PND: So, Now What?

Once you've realised/acknowledged there could be a problem, that you are displaying signs and/or symptoms of Postnatal Depression, it can be difficult to know where to go from there, especially if you have to wait for a doctor's appointment. I highly recommend that you push for an appointment that day if at all possible, even if just to keep you from driving yourself mad thinking about it.

Here are some things which worked for me and a couple of things I wish I had done as soon as I was diagnosed;

* See your doctor - I wasn't going to list this, but then I decided to do so anyway to cover all the bases. See a doctor you trust and talk about the options available to you.

* Connect - Your doctor will probably refer you to any available services in your area, but if he doesn't bring it up yourself. I have discovered there are many services equipped to help mums with PND such as Family Support, Volunteer Home Visiting Services, a Mental Health team and many other community run programs. Once you have been referred or have the details make sure you contact them. As I was told at one point: "These service are here for a reason and if you don't use them I will be out of a job."

* Say yes - I connected with all the services in my area and then when it came to having them visit and help me I freaked out. I wanted to use any excuse to say no, and so it took a lot of courage and will power to say yes, please come into my house and help me. And, every week I struggled with it but I did so because I knew it was one thing that was keeping me going in the worst time.

* Ask for help - I know I am not the only person who struggles with this. I'm sure I am not alone in wishing others would see what needs to be done and do it; whether it be cleaning the house, shopping, taking the kids when things are particularly hard or just sitting to have a chat. But, mostly, things like that don't happen. Mostly, you need to swallow your pride and ask. Even now, I find this so hard and will often leave things to avoid having to. Yes, it's bad and I am working on it.

* Be specific - Depending on who you're asking, you may need to be more specific than "I need help". The problem I find here is that sometimes I have no idea exactly what I want them to do for me, sometimes I just want them to interpret what I need and get on with it. But, if you do know what you want speak out. Doing so will avoid frustration for all involved.

* Accept help - As above, this is a difficult thing. I want to be Super Mum, I want to be able to do everything and then some more but I can't. So, if by some miracle, somebody does see what you need and offers to help, graciously accept their offer. They are not offering pity, they are offering you a hand, they are offering you love and want to do what they can to make life that little bit easier.

* Be accountable -What form this would take for you, I don't know. For me it meant sharing my condition and struggles here, on the blog and finally sharing with the world that I was suffering and not coping. By doing so I have been surrounded by the most amazing support group and discovered others have been here before. I'm not alone and neither are you.

* Take the time to look after yourself - We all know how hard it is to get time to ourselves with husbands, children, pets, extended family and housework to take our attention, but we need to make sure we are looking after the person who looks after everyone else. Ourselves. If we're not happy then it spreads to all those we love and care for. If you've been following my It's ALL About Me posts, then you know that this is something I am trying to work into my family life.

* Ban the negative thoughts - In the above paragraph the urge to tell you I was failing was very strong but FAIL is a word I have banned myself from thinking and saying. Such a negative word that does nothing but bring you down. Trying to replace negative thought patterns with positive affirmations can be a powerful thing.

None of these things are easy. They take time, practice, courage, energy and while it may seem you simply don't have the ability to do more, it is worth giving them a shot and finding the things that make your life easier, things that help you through the day and make good days trump the bad.

If you've been here, too, please feel free to share some of the things that helped you.

Other posts on You + PND:

You + PND: Know the Signs
You + PND: So Now What? <--
You + PND: The Shame Factor {Coming Soon}

You + PND: Know the Signs

I believe I have suffered Postnatal Depression since giving birth to Ellie in 2007, a mild case which went undiagnosed as I was too proud to find out what to look out for, too proud to go to the doctor and get medicated.

Now, three babies down and on the severe side of the PND scale I wonder how different life would be had I swallowed my pride to seek help. Obviously, I will never know but there is that part of me which believes 100% that had I been addressing my mental state right from the start I would not be have been so badly affected after the birth of Jasper. Hindsight and all that.

While I can't get back in time and smack some sense into myself, I can share my experiences and hope that it might help somebody else avoid the darkness, the guilt not to mention the hospital visit.

** Please note: I am NOT a doctor or medical professional, 

I can only share my own experiences in the hope that it might help someone

If you're worried about yourself or someone you know please 

seek medical help**

Depression is one of those illnesses where symptoms can be subjective; you may have some of the below mentioned, many or none. The important thing is to seek assistance if you are at all worried, if you think for a moment things are not right - those uneasy feelings are there for a reason.

Some things to look out for:

* Continued and excessive crying for no reason - bursting into tears over nothing day after day can be an easily missed sign that you're suffering PND. You're tired, you're emotional and it seems normal that you would react with tears; however if it goes on for an extended period and is set off by things which probably wouldn't faze you then there might be a problem.

* Sleep disruption - I know, you're probably yelling at me from the other side of your monitor that sleep disruption is part of being a new parent. And it is, however when you are suffering depression you might be finding it hard to fall or stay asleep even though you're exhausted. If bubs is asleep you should be able to take a nap if that's what you want to do.

* Anxiety - Given that you've just brought a precious little bundle into the world it is natural to worry, especially with your first child. However, with PND these natural worries can soon turn into overwhelming obsessions which can lead to sleep disruption (see above), stress and panic attacks.

* Lack of/increase in appetite - Our appetite is often the first thing that is influence, but life with a new bub can mean you don't notice or don't have time to eat anyway so it can be difficult to tell. For me, I went into my fall back position of binge eating. It should have set off alarm bells.

* Lack of motivation and interest - Finding it difficult to enjoy life, showing no interest in things which you once wanted to do, lack of sex drive and no motivation to do anything is a big sign that your mood is being affected.

* Change in character/irritability - This one might be hard to spot yourself, if your partner or family members are saying you are constantly in a bad mood then you probably are!


* Feelings - Excessive mother guilt, feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, hopelessness, distress and rejection are all feelings which stem from the negative thought process you experience with PND. Being torn down by these things can leave you drained, emotional and at breaking point.

* Physical signs - Depression can manifest itself physically, especially when it has gone untreated. Migraine, headache, flu like symptoms can all be part of your mental state effecting your physical health. Before being medicated, I was sick with nearly every bug that went around and had constant migraines. If you are constantly ill, there might be an underlying reason.

These are just a few things to look for, as I mentioned above, depression and it's symptoms can be as different and personal as each and every person and there are things you simply might not notice in the post-birth haze.

If you are worried but not convinced to go see a doctor, try the The Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale over at BeyondBlue. I have done this upward of ten times since having Jasper in November last year and it really does give you pause.

If you are worried that you are suffering from Postnatal Depression please see your doctor/midwife as soon as possible. There is no shame in admitting you are struggling and need help and you are not alone.


Other posts on You + PND:

You + PND: Know the Signs <--
You + PND: So Now What? 
You + PND: The Shame Factor {Coming Soon}

It's ALL About YOU: April Giveaway!

Welcome to April's It's ALL About YOU Giveaway as part of the new format It's ALL About Me posts. On the last Thursday of every month I will post my post about MY me time in the morning and then post the month's giveaway at night.

This month's sponsor is Little YoYo Styles, where you can find some of the most adorable things for your kiddies.

Katy has graciously provided me with these polkadot suitcases to giveaway to one lucky reader. They're SO cute - perfect for photo props or decorations.

 

Inside I have put some goodies for you;

* Mickey Mouse Clubhouse CD and Choo-Choo Express DVD to keep the kids occupied

* Pinocchio 70^th Anniversary Platinum Edition Blu-ray and DVD pack

* You Again DVD

* Australian Creams Lanolin Moisturising Cream*

* Cute Spiral Notebook as seen/mentioned in my post *

* Post it flag pen*

* Popcorn (you can't have those movies without some popcorn!)*

To be in the running all you need to do is leave a comment on this post telling me what little white lies you tell your kids?

For extra entries; join in with this month's It's ALL About Me linky (open now, until close of giveaway)

Entries close midnight May 8th 2011 (AEST, ie Sydney time) and will be drawn by Random.org. Please note, entry is only open to Australian residents and be sure I have your contact details in case you win!!

If the prize is not claimed within a week, this competition will be redrawn. 


* Items I bought myself, which have not been provided as part of a review/sponsorship.

It's ALL About Me: April

Welcome to the first new format of It's ALL About Me, it is now a monthly feature here on BeckyandJames.com and I hope that taking the pressure off will lead to this series being the motivational kick start I intended it to be. For me and for you.

As I said in my first post on this; (Me time is) something we really should all do for our mental, emotional, physical and most importantly family health. I need to remember that because when I don't make the effort to refresh myself I really feel it. And so does everyone around me. Like now.

When I decided to reformat these posts I went out and bought myself a cute little spiral notebook to journal, to think, to brainstorm and because I really like cute notebooks. I chose to focus on making a list of ideas of Me Time activities that I would like to do or try and in months to come I hope to work through them. Find the things that I enjoy, the things which refresh and renew me.

There are so many things that I have never done before. Things that are touted as relaxing. Manicures. Pedicures. Massages. I have put in my request (Acrylics) for mother's day or my birthday (a month after mother's day) but so far James seems to be conveniently deaf on the subject.

I hope to take a journey each month, to try new things and discover more about myself, find what recharges my batteries, what leaves me feeling blissed out, what ignites my passion. I want my time to be used wisely and at the end, when life fades back in (think movie scene-esque) I want to be serene, refreshed and ready to go.

What do you do to relax and recharge?

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To play along simply link up a post you've written in the past month that reflects something you've done for yourself.

Feel free to grab a button to add to your posts or side bar.

Come back later today to see what this month's It's ALL About You Giveaway is, if you've linked up you will automatically get an entry!

P.S. Is anyone else having trouble with InLinkz? I can't get it to set up my 'collection'.

Wordless Wednesday: Easter

Jasper learnt to sit so he could try a chocolate :)

Playing along with Faith, Hope & a whole lotta Love and My Little Drummer Boys

Mammarazzi Monday: {Easter}

The lovely Carly over at Mammarazzi has started a new photo feature for us to get involved in; Mammarazzi Monday. I love photo challenges and I LOVE the Mammarazzi website - honestly, if you love taking photographs of your children but you've not yet grasped all the manual controls on your camera, you should pay a visit, Carly breaks things down into easy to understand language and addresses things you might now have thought about before. Plus, there's these fun challenges!

This week's theme is Easter. And nothing says Easter like sitting down to devour your Egg Hunt findings! And no, I don't know why my daughter is trying to eat her egg with a spoon...

Pinocchio Review

Hi. My name is Becky and I am a review-a-holic or maybe just a Disney junkie (probably both, if I was to be completely honest) and I am sure you've noticed more reviews here on BeckyandJames.com than normal recently - if you haven't, where have you been? - but there have been so many opportunities I haven't wanted to pass up of late. I am contemplating a dedicated review blog as I do so love to share my thoughts on products, but that's another post for another day.

Recently, I found out, too late, that I could have reviewed Snow White before it's return to the Disney Vault on the 30th of June 2011. I teared up a little - yes, I love my Disney movies that much. I have my eye on Kate's giveaway; which will make things right when I win. However, the opportunity to write a piece on Pinocchio, the 70th Anniversary edition of Pinocchio might I add, has helped ease my devastating Snow Whitelessness.

I grew up watching old school Disney movies like Pinocchio with my dear cousin, Casey and re watching them bring back so many happy memories. On top of that, I just love being able to share these beloved characters and stories with my children, creating new happy memories.

When the DVD arrived we were on our way out and on our return Ellie started asking me "Do you think Nokie Noke will be on?" When I asked her what she meant she tapped her foot, hands on hips and said "you know, it came in the mail." Of course it did.

We sat down to watch 'Nokie Noke' and even though it has been many years since I last saw it I still remembered all the words to the songs, which greatly amused both Ellie and Kahlei.

While the girls are used to far more 'advanced' animations, this digitally remastered edition of Pinocchio held their attention and had them thrilled, giggling and gasping throughout. For me it really was like seeing an old friend again. The parts of the movie I used to love are still the bits I adore. The Blue Fairy is still completely gorgeous and magical as she sings 'When you Wish upon a Star' while making Gepetto's wish come true by bringing the wooden puppet, Pinocchio, to life.

As Pinocchio, with his conscience; the witty Jiminy Cricket, strives to become a real boy a story of finding your true self, of acting with honesty and integrity, of bravery and doing the right thing unravels. I am absolutely a fan of underlying morals in movies and am still tossing up whether or not to let my girls believe your nose grows when you tell a fib. Not really, I'm just kidding. Mostly.

The Disney song selection in the DVD Bonus Features is a great addition, the girls and I had a blast singing and dancing around the room after watching the movie. Other extras include deleted scenes, audio commentary, 'Matter of facts' (fun facts about the movie as you watch), a making of and even a 1940 original theatrical trailer.

Pinocchio is available until 30 June 2011, at which point it will be disappearing back into the vault
Rated: G
Price: 2 Disc DVD $39.95
Blu-Ray Value Pack $49.95

Be sure to come back on Thursday when I will have a Pinocchio 70^th Anniversary Platinum Edition Blu-ray and DVD pack to giveaway in my April It's ALL About You giveaway.

Disclosure: I received a complimentary review copy of the DVD courtesy of Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment via Aussie Mummy Bloggers. No financial payment was offered nor accepted for this post. All opinions expressed are purely my own.

{52 Weeks} Week 40 + 41: Me. Nervous

Travels

Me. Nervous

Last Thursday, I wrote about how I wanted a little success from this blog. The very next day I received an invite to a televised event on the 6th of May. The mere invite had me so thrilled, even though I figured a trip to Melbourne was off the cards for me. I wasn't even going to ask James what he thought; though I did proudly forward the email to James, feeling a little special.

Then, I thought about it some more. I did really, really want to go and I had put it out there. It all had a feeling of 'meant to be'; you know, that warm fuzzy, excited and nervous mix in your belly. So, I changed my mind about asking if there was a way.

James said yes, basically from the very start. As we brainstormed exactly how it would work, I started to panic. I was worried about our finances, which made it easy to start making excuses. I am not a great socialiser. I suffered social-phobia in my teens and I've never quite felt comfortable in social situations since.

Thoughts of "what if they don't like me?", "what if they sent the invitation to me in error?" or "what if I make a fool of myself?" started running through my head. I find it so much easier to imagine myself sitting alone in a corner, an outcast than it is to imagine going into a group of people (whether I know them or not) and being liked. Even to me that sounds crazy. But, it's true.

I found myself saying "We can't afford it, I won't go" and half hoping he'd agree while the rest of me was hoping he'd tell me we could. If I decided not to go, I wanted it to seem (to me as well as others) like it was because of finances as apposed to me being chicken.

This year I am tackling my attitude toward myself, my self image, my PND, my health, why not jump right in and attack this social ineptitude. I want to make friends and go out. I want to go to this brunch. And so, I said yes. Sent in my RSVP and allowed Kirsty and James to figure out the best way to get me there (I am NO help in such areas).

I followed my brave 'yes' up by finding out who else would be in attendance. Which, maybe I should have done before confirming my place... because once I saw the wonderful, amazing women who are also going to be there. I have to admit I am quite overwhelmed. Entirely apprehensive.

All the while being so excited I feel the urge to randomly jump up and down before worrying again exactly how it will go.

The long and the short of it is that in two weeks I will be with my two favourite girls; Kirsty and Casey after meeting and spending time with women I know only through their blogs, women who I look up to. I feel a bit like I am off to meet celebrities.

On top of the thrill of 'the event', as I like to call it, I am delirious about the fact that I am going to Melbourne for the first time. Even if I will only be there a little over a day, as we're driving down Thursday and back Saturday. I cannot wait!

(I go from excitement to nervousness quite quickly and frequently)

So, in my short first stay in the city of Melbourne what should I absolutely see/experience?

And the Winner is...

Congratulations to Trish of My Little Drummer Boys on winning my LEGO Star Wars III: The Clone Wars on Wii giveaway! I am sure your boys will LOVE it. 

I have to be honest, I kind of didn't want this giveaway to end as I was loving the answers to my question; who would you like to see in LEGO form? 

Here are some of my favourites:

Trish said cows, which I would so buy. Kellie suggested the Hoff, Dorothy thought a LEGO likeness of herself would be a challenge and how cool would it be if we could all have a little version of ourselves! 

My absolute favourites were Oprah, suggested by Nellbe and  Hugh Jackman which both Caz and Alice Becomes wanted. I told James he could buy as many LEGO figurines he wanted if they were in Hugh Jackman form. Can you imagine??

Who else would make a perfect LEGO figurine?

Why I (sometimes) love spam

Today has been somewhat stressful. I am struggling and possibly not coping with life as well as I could be. Maybe even raising my voice a little more than I would like and letting out big, frustrated sighs whenever the baby wakes again, after a mere 10 minute nap, screaming.

On these days, I need a distraction. Something to lighten the mood and put a smile on my face and so today I ventured into my inbox and opened the below email, which I kept for this exact reason;

Dear April,

I hope you remember Eduardo from denver high school?
Last spring I had a serious problem. I was at home for one weeks, and I had
time for my wife. Thats nothing special you will think, but for a hard
working guy like me, it is a long time. After 3 days, she wanted me riding
her.
I'd try many times, but I could not get him hard!! I'd try another day,
nothing.

But then, after some research I found the solution:


{I won't include the link for obvious reasons}


Greetings,
Aprilette

Btw: Greetings to Eduina, I hope she is fine.

Advertisement:
----------------------

 Tom Selleck stars as Thomas Magnum, a P.I. enjoying life on an opulent
Hawaii estate. Watch the '80s classic online now!

Tell me I am not the only person who keeps random spam for a rainy day?

P.S. If you're wondering how the photo ties in with this ost; it doesn't (duh). I'm just a tad proud of myself for taking a photo of a cow.

Skin Check

I recently made an appointment for my first ever skin check after finding myself completely freaked out by skin cancer ads where they talk about a 26 year old dying.

Apart from the fact that I am a severe hypochondriac, what I saw hit home with me as I am about to turn 28 and I also have type 1 skin; which means I burn at the mere thought of going into the sun. I do not tan. I crisp. I blister. I have often looked like a lobster. And, unfortunately, I have not always been sun smart and looked after my pasty complexion.

So, I tentatively made my appointment and wished I hadn't.

When it rolled around this morning, I felt sick. My ability to imagine I have anything and everything is... amazing. I've been obsessively looking at my moles for weeks now; imagining that I was seeing differences.

As I sat in the waiting room, reading the consent form I could feel my skin prickle. I swear each and every mole, mark and lesion was burning.

I worried about just how invasive the scan would be, how naked I'd have to get and how uncomfortable the whole situation would be. I turned them around in my head; making them into excuses to leave.

Thankfully, before I was able to completely convince myself it was a good idea to leave it was my turn.

The process was quick and painless, the doctor was friendly and informative and I was given the all clear after a quick chastising about picking at mozzie bites.

Now, it seems so crazy to me to want to put off something so quick and easy that may just end up saving your life.

Have you had a skin check lately?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Things I Know

Last week, I enjoyed knowing stuff and sharing it with you all, so today I am linking up with Yay for Home's Things I Know again.

This week I know;

* Bubba boys are completely scrumptious

* Joining in with he Seven Cherubs Happiness Project and writing a single sentence a night about what has brought me happiness throughout the day is good for my mental health and helps me focus on the good things, even on the tough days when I struggle with whether I am cut out for this Mumma gig

* Kahlei can go from whinging to sound asleep in a split second

* It doesn't matter what you do or don't want your children to be called, they will make their own nicknames for themselves and each other

* Impromptu picnics on the hill behind Nanna's are wonderful

* Having a sister must be so fun

* Children grow up way too fast. One day they're tiny babies and the next thing you know they are speaking, running, dancing, learning, tapped their foot at and telling you: ""Don't give me that attitude, young lady."

* Sometimes you put things out there and get a sign that maybe you might get a little of what you hope and dream before you've really had time to comprehend what you've told the world

* Kahlei has her own special sense of style

* I have amazing friends who see me so completely differently to how I see myself

* I just noticed my first ever Nuffnang ad has gone up, which means it's after midnight...

* I should be in bed