{52 Weeks} Week 40 + 41: Me. Nervous

Travels

Me. Nervous

Last Thursday, I wrote about how I wanted a little success from this blog. The very next day I received an invite to a televised event on the 6th of May. The mere invite had me so thrilled, even though I figured a trip to Melbourne was off the cards for me. I wasn't even going to ask James what he thought; though I did proudly forward the email to James, feeling a little special.

Then, I thought about it some more. I did really, really want to go and I had put it out there. It all had a feeling of 'meant to be'; you know, that warm fuzzy, excited and nervous mix in your belly. So, I changed my mind about asking if there was a way.

James said yes, basically from the very start. As we brainstormed exactly how it would work, I started to panic. I was worried about our finances, which made it easy to start making excuses. I am not a great socialiser. I suffered social-phobia in my teens and I've never quite felt comfortable in social situations since.

Thoughts of "what if they don't like me?", "what if they sent the invitation to me in error?" or "what if I make a fool of myself?" started running through my head. I find it so much easier to imagine myself sitting alone in a corner, an outcast than it is to imagine going into a group of people (whether I know them or not) and being liked. Even to me that sounds crazy. But, it's true.

I found myself saying "We can't afford it, I won't go" and half hoping he'd agree while the rest of me was hoping he'd tell me we could. If I decided not to go, I wanted it to seem (to me as well as others) like it was because of finances as apposed to me being chicken.

This year I am tackling my attitude toward myself, my self image, my PND, my health, why not jump right in and attack this social ineptitude. I want to make friends and go out. I want to go to this brunch. And so, I said yes. Sent in my RSVP and allowed Kirsty and James to figure out the best way to get me there (I am NO help in such areas).

I followed my brave 'yes' up by finding out who else would be in attendance. Which, maybe I should have done before confirming my place... because once I saw the wonderful, amazing women who are also going to be there. I have to admit I am quite overwhelmed. Entirely apprehensive.

All the while being so excited I feel the urge to randomly jump up and down before worrying again exactly how it will go.

The long and the short of it is that in two weeks I will be with my two favourite girls; Kirsty and Casey after meeting and spending time with women I know only through their blogs, women who I look up to. I feel a bit like I am off to meet celebrities.

On top of the thrill of 'the event', as I like to call it, I am delirious about the fact that I am going to Melbourne for the first time. Even if I will only be there a little over a day, as we're driving down Thursday and back Saturday. I cannot wait!

(I go from excitement to nervousness quite quickly and frequently)

So, in my short first stay in the city of Melbourne what should I absolutely see/experience?

Skin Check

I recently made an appointment for my first ever skin check after finding myself completely freaked out by skin cancer ads where they talk about a 26 year old dying.

Apart from the fact that I am a severe hypochondriac, what I saw hit home with me as I am about to turn 28 and I also have type 1 skin; which means I burn at the mere thought of going into the sun. I do not tan. I crisp. I blister. I have often looked like a lobster. And, unfortunately, I have not always been sun smart and looked after my pasty complexion.

So, I tentatively made my appointment and wished I hadn't.

When it rolled around this morning, I felt sick. My ability to imagine I have anything and everything is... amazing. I've been obsessively looking at my moles for weeks now; imagining that I was seeing differences.

As I sat in the waiting room, reading the consent form I could feel my skin prickle. I swear each and every mole, mark and lesion was burning.

I worried about just how invasive the scan would be, how naked I'd have to get and how uncomfortable the whole situation would be. I turned them around in my head; making them into excuses to leave.

Thankfully, before I was able to completely convince myself it was a good idea to leave it was my turn.

The process was quick and painless, the doctor was friendly and informative and I was given the all clear after a quick chastising about picking at mozzie bites.

Now, it seems so crazy to me to want to put off something so quick and easy that may just end up saving your life.

Have you had a skin check lately?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Naughty!!

This afternoon, Ellie went to bed at her normal time but was still awake about an hour later. Having woken Kahlei with her chatter we could clearly hear her telling Kahlei off, saying "Naughty, naughty". When I went in to see what was going on Ellie was lying in bed and, obviously, Kahlei was still lying in bed, all snuggly wrapped. I asked Ellie what Kahlei was doing that was naughty and she replied "Jumping". I looked at her and said "Kahlei was jumping?" She gave me a cheeky smile as I picked up Kahlei and said "Poo". I wasn't sure if she meant she had done a poo or was telling me that Kahlei stunk (which she did), so I changed the bub and then asked Ellie if she had done a poo as she has been telling me when she needs a nappy change recently, she said yes so I changed her too. She was only wet, though, so I popped her back in bed for her nap.

After a little while of listening to her chatter some more I went back in and, turns out she was telling me she needed to do a poo. Duh Mum. A perfect toilet training opportunity and I completely missed it.

After that she finally went to sleep. Thank goodness.

As it had been raining, James decided to go outside and do some digging while the soil was still soft, so once Ellie was awake I put on her big jacket and boots so she could go outside and do some digging herself. She and Daddy start making what can be only called mud castles by filling her bucket and turning it out on the ground. When James would turn the bucket over and pull it up to reveal the compacted dirt Ellie would get so excited. It was wonderful.

I love these kinds of activities, especially when James gets in there with her. She does too.



Kahlei sat in her rocker to watch. She is so into everything Ellie does. I can't wait until she can sit up (for longer than 30 seconds) and play in the mud with Ellie. I just know she'll love eating mud, grass, worms...

Speaking of worms...

They were plentiful due to the recent rain and I thought Ellie would be thrilled with these wriggly little guys. Boy, was I wrong. Grubs and worms apparently freak her out. I wasn't there when it all started, with her holding a grub until she realised the chubby white thing in her hand was moving!

Every shovelful that revealed a wriggler would bring on a new wave of fear and plenty of cute little drama faces. I tried to get her to look at it with me, showing her that it was harmless while holding her firmly at my side but she didn't want to know about it.

Then there was this guy...





Once she was all done digging and building she came to sit by me and

there was a snail (a tiny snail) slowly (oh so slowly) making it's way towards her. As it got 'closer' she started shuffling her legs away and pulling her feet up. I tried to tell her it was harmless and show her it's shell but, again, she would have none of that and started telling me it was time to go inside. She has never done that before!! Ever.

Please excuse the formatting on this post - I seem to be having an issue that I can't fix right now. Grr. I am pretty sure James will see this and fix it promptly.