Wordless Wednesday: Baby Boys

Bless♥

For more Wordless Wednesday head over to My Little Drummer Boys

Meeting Little E

Jasper and Little E

While away for the weekend getting our girls Day Care sorted for when we move, we finally got to meet Little E - my first ever nephew and the first cousin for Ellie, Kahlei and Jasper.

Such a beautiful little boy. Jasper and Little E are just under 2 months apart and my Little Man looks SO big next to his cousin.

The girls thought he was adorable. I have tonnes of photos of Ellie taking pics of him or Kahlei giving him kisses as he peacefully slept. Bless. I have wanted them to have a cousin since Ellie was born, as I know how close I am with Case and I wanted them to have that special relationship.

I am so excited that we will be all living in the same time. I hope they will spend lots of time together and be best friends.

Already buds

Playing along with Fat Mum Slim's Point and Shoot

Breaking Point

One of the nicer moments of the weekend. Jasper loves his Lamaze Octopus and I have a feeling it might just be the first thing he giggles at. He was working on a chuckle yesterday afternoon.

Unfortunately, this beautiful moment was surrounded by his constant crying which has continued on into today. The day starts well, until Ellie or Kahlei scream (tantrum or excitement, doesn't matter) and wake him and if he doesn't get the chance to resettle back to sleep then it's on. He gets too tired and cries. He becomes exhausted and cries.

And I am at that point. I can't stand it anymore, I have to walk away from the room and leave him. I'm tired and sick and stressed, so these past two days of never-ending, desperate wailing have strained my patience. Not to mention the two girls who seem to have a 'Jasper's-gone-to-sleep-must-wake-him' alarm. Seriously.

I also spent the weekend wistfully remembering when 'weekend' meant that at least one day out of the two was different to every. other. day of the week. When 'weekend' meant that I got to have a sleep in one day. How I miss that type of weekend. How I need a sleep in.

What did you do on the weekend?

Pop over to Fat Mum Slim for more Point and Shoot

Mean Mumma

After our recent visit to Santa and the reaction the girls had, I became convinced I would never ever have a Santa photo with any of my children. Especially when the mere mention of him had Ellie on edge.

So, when we found ourselves on numerous shopping trips with only one child and walking past Santa quite often I had a brilliant idea. We were shopping with the only child not afraid of the Jolly Man. What a perfect opportunity. When I relayed my wonderful plan to James he looked at me like I was some type of monster.

I explained my position that Jasper wasn't afraid because he was too young to know he should be, making this possibly the only chance I would ever have to get a Santa snap and the best part was that we could take our own.

We debated over the weekend about whether or not having our 5 week old baby sit on a strange man's lap was really a good idea or not. It was practically a battle to the death. I wanted that photo like you wouldn't believe and James was certain I was being terrible by merely contemplating the idea.

Late yesterday afternoon, after what was to be our last dash to the shops before we head home I decided to go for it. James had to actually take the photos since he wasn't willing to go near to hand over the bub. Admittedly, I felt quite nervous myself and I suppose now would be the time to disclose that I've only had a Santa photo once in my life - with my great grandfather, who I watched dress in his suit and I still freaked...

Still, I handed over my slumbering Little Man.

And I will treasure my one Santa photo always!

Playing along with Fat Mum Slim's Point and Shoot and Scissors Paper Rock's Week-a-Boo.

Today I am grateful for:

1. My brother being back in Australia, safe and sound
2. My lovely husband winning a car at auction for me today
3. Finding James a Christmas present - he knows what it is, but this year I will simply have to deal with that and be happy that Christmas morning wont see him with nothing...
4. Offers
5. Alone time with Kahlei, shopping for James's pressie
6. Kahlei being 'freed' from the bedroom where she locked herself in, instead of sleeping earlier this evening

Wordless Wednesday: A Little Christmas Cheer

Not yet in the Christmas Spirit...

Today I am grateful for:

1. A happy healthy family when others are grieving over losses I cannot even fathom

2. All three children FINALLY sleeping after a no-nap day

3. Unexpected words of support that lift my spirits after a tough day

4. Baby Bonds - they are seriously too cute

5. The cool breeze we're enjoying now

What are you grateful for today?

The Birth of Jasper

Two weeks ago, I was nervous and excited about the impending arrival of our little boy. I was focused on two basic things; having the spinal work to avoid a general and a safe delivery for our bub and myself. I was practically obsessed with the whole spinal thing. A whole lot of energy was spent, on my part, focusing on it being a success. I visualised, prayed, talked positively to myself and breathed through my moments of panic. I wanted nothing more than a better birth experience than I had with Kahlei.

So, at 5.50-something-am on Thursday the 11th of November, I gave my girls tentative kisses and left the house.

As the midwives went about settling us in (in the observation room due to someone being in the room I was going into) and getting me ready, I tried to stay calm. Each new midwife I saw asked how I was and I would reply "Nervous." and each one would exclaim that I have done this twice before. "What's there to be nervous about?" I don't know, just something about being cut open gives me the jitters...

Finally, the midwife that was going to accompany us to theatre and a student came to take me away. The sides of my bed were put up and I was pushed out of maternity.

Being pushed along the corridors, watching the lights pass, feeling the thumps and bumps is a strange sensation. I noticed more on this journey than the first two times and I remember thinking I need to remember these little bits and pieces, but already I have forgotten those things that seemed important to retain.

At 7.30 I was pushed over the red line and James was left behind to put on some scrubs while I was taken into a little room across from theatre. People came and went, I was introduced to so many different people who were going to be doing something during my procedure or were going to be observing I lost count and felt somewhat overwhelmed. Every person told me "We're just waiting on Dr. Brown."

It seemed an eternity before the anesthetist turned up and I was wheeled into theatre. An eternity to hope and think and pray that the spinal would work. An eternity to get more and more nervous. An eternity to wait to meet my precious boy. But, at 8.25am Dr Brown arrived and it was time.

In front of what seemed like a room full of students (there were about 5 plus the midwife I had met earlier) I got half undressed, sat on the hard operating table and waited for a success or fail with the spinal. And on the second attempt it went in. I felt the warm sensation  flood my bum and then my legs as it worked.

Hallelujah.

I would be awake to meet my baby, awake for that first fragile cry and able to feed him within his first moments of life.

The relief was instant, all my tension left me and James was brought in, wearing his spunky blue scrubs, to sit by my head.

As my Ob put in the catheter I asked the anesthetist if it was normal to still be able to move my toes, as I was sure that my legs were like dead-weights by that time when I had Ellie, but I was assured it was perfectly normal. And so the operation began.

You know the kind of sound you hear inside your head when you pull a tooth out? As the scalpel cut into me, I had that kind of noise fill my head, no idea why considering it was my belly and all... Then the tugging began. I felt so much of that initial tugging and was sure it wasn't the same as when I had Ellie, but I decided that my memory of three and a bit years ago may be a little hazy. It started getting quite uncomfortable, which I told Dr Brown, who simply nodded.

And then I started getting twinges. I looked at Dr Brown and said "I keep feeling like it's hurting, but I don't know if it's in my mind." and he explained that it's normal to think you're feeling a little pain in conjunction with the tugging. I took a deep breath and told myself it was perfectly normal.

Not too long after I was groaning in pain, but being told I wasn't really feeling any. I set my jaw, clenched my teeth, took breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth while repeating 'it's all in my head' to myself , after all the anesthetist should know what he's talking about, right? Plus, it should all be over soon, right?

After what seemed like forever but possibly wasn't he conceded that I may, in fact be feeling slight pain and decided to give me Nitrous to "take the pain off", but it just made me feel woozy. He seemed to think I was just being an over reactive whinger.


Every tug, every pull had me in agony and the murmurs of the doctors on the other side of the sheet soon became clear and I discovered that it wouldn't soon be over. Due to my two previous c-sections there was a whole lot of scar tissue and adhesion's which were making it difficult to get to the baby. I heard "If I go any further this way I will get the bladder."

Panic. I looked at James in pure fear as more discussion went on until the Dr doing the operation decided he was going to hand over to my Ob (who I had thought was going to be doing it all along). I was in pain, left open on the table, terrified of what complications lay ahead and was still being told it would be okay to continue on with the spinal as my pain relief.

I think, if my Ob hadn't come around to me and told me it was going to get worse and practically insist I be put under I would have begged for a general at that stage. Oh how things change.

As the mask went on, I looked at James and offered up one last prayer that I would wake up to meet my baby and see my husband and girls again. Not knowing exactly how bad things were, what the problems were and if my being awake had created more complications I was going to sleep having no idea what would come next.

Thankfully, I woke up (are you surprised?) and thankfully, the midwife who had accompanied us into theatre was a big believer in bubs getting a feed as soon as possible and he was there when I awoke - skwarking for a feed. There wasn't that terrible moment, like when I had Kahlei, where I couldn't remember that I had had a baby, there wasn't more time before I met my little man.

I wasn't very with it, but I saw and fed my gorgeous boy and was relieved that he was, in fact, a boy because I wouldn't have to suffer such a pregnancy and birth ever again.

My recovery is taking longer, my insides are still bruised and sore and my incision practically goes from hip to hip. Apparently there was a whole lot of tissue to cut out and it took some time. In some ways I feel like the decision to have a fourth child has been taken from us. I was relatively sure we wouldn't go again, but then I assumed it would be a choice we would make. Now, I don't think there is anyway I could cope with going through that again.

But, in the end I got my Jasper Phoenix. My perfect, warm, permanently feeding, miniature grumpy old man.


P.S. I started writing this yesterday, which is why it starts on Wednesday - in case it's confusing!

Wordless Wednesday

This too shall pass.

Right?

{52 Weeks} Week 18 & 19

 Week 18: Hospital

Last week, I had organised mum to post my photo for last week. I managed to take one and all, but then I didn't give her access to post. So, here are both week's pics, both taken on my iPhone as it's too difficult to hold bubs and my 550D for a shot :)

Week 19: My Boy

One Week Old Today

My baby boy is already a week old. Where does the time go? He's simply perfect, though he is still trying to figure out night and day so we're not getting much sleep, as you can imagine.