Guest Post: How Did I Become That Mum

Today we have a little treat here at BeckyandJames.com; the ever lovely Louisa is sharing a post which I could have written myself, it's that close to what I am experiencing with Ellie.  Enjoy and be sure to pop over to Louisa's blog to check out her home on the net!

Louisa is mum to two littlies, Miss Bliss and Little Bear. She lives in
Melbourne and is addicted to coffee, to-do lists and blogging, in no
particular order. She loves being a Mum even if sometimes it feels a bit
frantic. Louisa writes most days at Everything is Edible

 How Did I Become That Mum

It was about two weeks ago that I realised it.

My child does not listen to me,
respect me nor
fear me
one. little. bit.

She's gone from refusing to go into time out, to blithely ignoring me in general. I mean whaaaat?!? How does a two year old refuse time out??

Sheesh!

It feels like a bad episode of Super Nanny.
How did I become the Mum who can't control her own kid?
Whose kid kicks and screams and loses it ten times over, over nothing.

How did we get here?

It certainly didn't start out this way.

Perhaps it was when I started "choosing my battles" while preggers.

In theory it was in the name of positive parenting but really it was 'cause she's just so darn strong, and exhausting, and persistent, and if I'm really honest I couldn't be bothered fighting her.

So I didn't;
and she quickly figured out
that I wouldn't.

Perhaps it was when I started turning a good parenting strategy of being flexible into an excuse to give-in-to-any-stupid-whim-she-had-in-order-to-avoid-a-meltdown.

Yeah, that was a greeaaaat decision.

Uping the ante on television didn't help.
It's always left her a little riled.
And one might say we up'd the ante about 2000% over the past few months.

Was it laziness exhaustion?
Can it really happen that quickly?

However and whatever, it turns out that it can.

And it has.

And now, somehow, I've got to regain my place as Mother.

Wish me luck?

Breaking Point

One of the nicer moments of the weekend. Jasper loves his Lamaze Octopus and I have a feeling it might just be the first thing he giggles at. He was working on a chuckle yesterday afternoon.

Unfortunately, this beautiful moment was surrounded by his constant crying which has continued on into today. The day starts well, until Ellie or Kahlei scream (tantrum or excitement, doesn't matter) and wake him and if he doesn't get the chance to resettle back to sleep then it's on. He gets too tired and cries. He becomes exhausted and cries.

And I am at that point. I can't stand it anymore, I have to walk away from the room and leave him. I'm tired and sick and stressed, so these past two days of never-ending, desperate wailing have strained my patience. Not to mention the two girls who seem to have a 'Jasper's-gone-to-sleep-must-wake-him' alarm. Seriously.

I also spent the weekend wistfully remembering when 'weekend' meant that at least one day out of the two was different to every. other. day of the week. When 'weekend' meant that I got to have a sleep in one day. How I miss that type of weekend. How I need a sleep in.

What did you do on the weekend?

Pop over to Fat Mum Slim for more Point and Shoot

Frustrating Yet Soo Cute!

Ellie has started being interested in 'helping' me feed Kahlei her dinner. It started the other night as I was feeding Kahlei while cooking our tea. Ellie came up and picked up the spoon while I was stiring the chicken and that was it. Now, it's her job. If I'm doing it she's not at all happy. Mostly she does okay, but tonight she was all about pretending to chew everytime she got the spoon near Kahlei's mouth, so the food was going all over poor Kahlei and Ellie's standing there going "mmm mmm mmm".

How cute is it?

I have uploaded a few more photos to Redbubble that I would like to share, too.

Images are linked, feel free to click thru - take a look, leave a comment or buy ;) Okay, so I am actually avoiding getting into my BOTCT layout for week 3... so, I should get stuck into that.

Taking The Plunge

The other weekend we bought Ellie some adorable Little Miss undies, which she chose herself, with the intent to start toilet training. So, for now I've been putting her in undies when we go outside for morning tea to kind of 'phase' her (or maybe me) into it. Yesterday, I put them on her and we went outside where we played, had morning tea, I hung clothes and then James called and we decided we needed milk so the girls and I went out... I got to the shop and picked Ellie up to cross the road and realised she was still only wearing undies. So, I told her "Don't do a wee" and we did our shop. When I was putting her in the car I reminded her "Don't do a wee until we get home." And she didn't. We got home and she was still dry, so I popped her on the potty. She sat there forever. Reading. Singing. Telling jokes. Eventually she was no longer happy to sit there so I figured she really musn't need to go... but she'd not been in AGES.

I got her off the potty and reminded her to come and tell me if she needs to do a wee.

Of course, she didn't. I'd barely turned around and she had wet herself. This is how it seems to go. For whatever reason she will no longer go on the potty. She will sit there happily until she really needs to go and gets off. If I try and get her to stay she throws a fit. I don't want potty training to be an issue, so I think we'll leave it for now. The two things that frustrate me most about this are 1- she was doing wees on the potty, but I couldn't commit to full-on training at the time as Kahlei was still very demanding and 2- she hates to have her nappy changed. She wants to sit up instead of lying down and once the nappy's off she wants to get up and run around. Grr.

I am thinking we'll just wait it out and see if she starts showing signs that she's ready. Again.

I'm also trying to wean Kahlei off being wrapped for bed. During the night she wakes herself up when she wriggles and unwraps herself and she's getting too big to be wrapped tighly enough that she can't get out, so I decided yesterday it was time. Ellie stopped being wrapped at a very young age and had no issue with the transition, mostly because she wanted to be able to move but Kahlei has trouble distinguishing that it's bed time if I haven't wrapped her up. She will lie in bed and talk to her animals or play with the mobile. Once she does go to sleep, though, she sleep better. Last night she only woke 3 times for feeds, as opposed to 5 or more because suddenly her arms are free...

To help her figure out it's bed time, I have chosen some words to say to help her. Obviously, I always say something but it's never exactly what I said the last time, so I have a little nighty night saying to help her associate that with bed. Once she's got that we should have some better nights...

Anyway, I should get going, we're going to visit my grandparents tonight/tomorrow as my parents will be there so we can pick up Caleb. He's going to come visit with me for the holidays :)

AND if you've been loving the kits I've shown you from Color With Caryn, sadly,  she's having a closing shop sale at all three of her stores, so you should go and pick some awesome deals up - Digiridoo, Enchanted Studios and Scrappity Doo-Dah



OH!!! And I wanted to say thanks for those of you who commented and answered my question on Tuesday. All your answers made me think I should start expanding my cooking repertoire!! If you haven't yet Answered Me This but you'd like to, you can do so here :)

Mother of the Year, here I come!

I have had an upset tummy this week, between that and Kahlei sleeping badly thru the night I am utterly exhausted. So, Tuesday morning I get Kahlei settled for a nap, Ellie settled on her couch to watch In the Night Garden and decide to lie down while she watches it. As soon as my head hits the cushion I'm out - I don't see a single moment of In the Night Garden, even though the TV only went on a moment before it begun. Quite sometime later I awoke to a strange rustling. The first thing I notice is that Ellie is quiet and has had the television for much longer than her normal half hour. But, mainly, Ellie is quiet. I glance at her couch at the same time that I feel a weight on my feet and hear another ominous rustling.

I look and find my Angel sitting happily with an empty packet of Tim Tams on her lap, which she must have gotten off the wall which is behind the couch dividing the kitchen from the lounge. At first I wasn't sure that she had eaten them as she was much too clean but then I remembered James and I had only had one each the night before and there had been at least two left... Probably more. Still, she was awfully clean... I checked around her for any remains, finding none. She was very pleased with herself, which left no doubt in my mind that she had enjoyed a lovely morning tea!

Project 365 Catch-up

Day 104: The Wheels

Day 105: Tree Tied

Day 106: Discarded

Day 107: Bloom

The Answer

Have you ever heard the saying Playgroup will be the answer to all your problems? No? Neither have I, honestly, but I am sure it must be an actual saying since everyone seems to want to tell me that going to Playgroup will be wonderful and will, somehow, offer me everything I need.

Needless to say, I have been skeptical. Having worked in this area, I have yet to see this amazing, problem-solving magic. Maybe it's not the actual Playgroup that provides the answers, but a Playgroup Genie?

So, this morning, after yet another 'discussion' surrounding support/moving/playgroup/friends/blahblahblah with James last night, I decided to phone and enquire about one of the groups that runs every second Tuesday. May as well look for this Genie that's going to make everything so much better, right? I am informed that the group does run today (crap) and I am welcome to attend (double crap).

With half an hour before it started, I had enough time to get out the door, buy morning tea to take and get there on time. Did I want to go? No, not really. Still, even with masses of nervous butterflies fluttering about in my tummy I decided to just do it. I mean, there's a Genie at the end of this rainbow, right? And I do want what that Genie has to offer.

So, we head out the door. Both girls look cute as buttons, especially Kahlei in her new cow suit:

My first mistake was morning tea. I decided, since I was going to have to do a dash to the shop to do the complete opposite of the first morning tea I took to the last group I attended. To which I took cut up fruit, plain crackers and some cheese - things Ellie would normally be having for morning tea, but it didn't really go down well. So, this time I buy a cake and some donuts.

I walk into the pink tinged room, butterflies madly trying to fly out of my stomach now, and the first thing I see isn't the room full of immaculately dressed women staring at me but the counter full of lovely healthy snacks and not an ounce of sugar. I wouldn't be surprised if my groan was an audible one at that moment in time... I put down my sinful offering and turn to face what I had hoped would be friendly faces.

Let's just say they were curious faces. Not friendly, not quite hostile but most definitely thinking "What are you doing here?" I have never been so painfully aware of my comfortable tracksuit pants in my life. Seriously, what was I thinking? And no make up? For shame!

I swallow my fear apprehension and am introduced. Ellie happily finds a toy to play with and the fun begins. I am ushered into a seat by what can only be the Queen Bee and am quickly surrounded by her minions. Waving a hand in the direction of the child she just introduced as hers, Queen Bee begins to tell me about Johnny. I relax a little, because - let's face it, talking about my kids is something I can do.

Turns out Johnny is one gifted kid. He has the highest IQ of any child his mother has ever met. The minions cluck in agreement. Johnny is also one busy 2 year old boy. He attends swimming once a week - twice a week in warmer months - and secretly Queen Bee thinks she might just have an Ian Thorpe on her hands. He attends music lessons, only piano for now, does kinder-gym, goes to preschool one day a week and will soon be enrolling in an art class. I am listening to all this thinking I didn't even know you could do all this in our little area! and was caught off guard when Queen Bee turned her gaze from her son (who really was quite adorable) to me and asked innocently "What do your girls do?"

Um?

Suddenly, a few minions started to flit away. I suppose 'nothing' was the wrong answer. In my defense, I have wanted to take Ellie to swimming lessons but James doesn't think they're really helpful until later. I mean, Ellie plays at the playground and in the backyard (kinder-gym), shakes rice filled containers and beats on ice cream tubs and pots and pans as well as playing real instruments when we visit Grandpa (music lessons) and creates beautiful pictures with paints we have made ourselves (art classes). I didn't think she was missing out.

Queen Bee changes her tact and asks what I plan to do for Ellie's 2nd birthday (which is just over 3 months away!). I explain our decision to simply have my family come the weekend after and do something nice together before going home to have cake. I was practically mumbling the details (or lack-there-of) as I could feel every eye boring into me. Johnny had a pool party. I'm not even sure how a 2 year old has a pool party.

At this point my gorgeous little Moo Cow starts grizzling and I take the opportunity to RUN. I left with Ellie crying, but I bribed her with a donut, thinking 'Could I BE a worse Mum than I am at this very moment?' My poor children, living such sheltered and uneventful lives, having ho-hum birthday parties and occasionally eating sweets...

I was still feeling pretty crap after both girls had a nap. The Genie I had been looking for hadn't appeared to help me out, instead I was left feeling  judged, embarrassed and upset.

Luckily, my gorgeous girls know how to cheer their Mummy up. We went outside for Kahlei to have her first rusk (to stop her gnawing Daddy's finger off), Ellie had to have one, too (of course) and they were just too cute.



Look at that! The kid has no teeth but she sure did a good job!!

So, Playgroup B didn't give me the answers to my problems. I am thinking I could probably go through the whole alphabet and not find the support and friendship people think I should find at Playgroup. The thing is people who tell me I should go have either never been to one or went to one with friends from their church/school/club. To really fit in you have to be more of a local than I will ever be here. I remember one lovely old man who used to come into the NRMA frequently asking me how long I had been in town. When I replied he patted my hand and said "Only 50 more years and you'll be a local." I laughed.

I'm no longer laughing.

Choices

Lately, I have been giving Ellie a choice when getting dressed of a morning. She is loving being able to choose and I enjoy seeing the excitement she experiences when I ask her what she would like to wear.

This morning I placed the two outfits on her bed and said, as I usually do, "What would you like to wear today?" and she proceeded to take the top and tights from outfit one, the shorts and headband two and mix them together. I don't want to be a Nazi mum who makes her kids wear certain things, however, I was a tad skeptical about tights and shorts... She got dressed before accessorising with her handbag, hat and a single red gumboot.

Once she was all decked out it was time to take her baby for a walk.

She walked up and down the yard, coming to 'visit' Kahlei and I before waving bye bye and going to the clothes line, all the while keeping her one boot on.

I am so proud of her. I love her personality. Everyday she is showing me more and more amazing things, just when I think there can't be anything more amazing than what I have already watched her accomplish she surprises me with something else.

Classy, no?

Now, I have some Project 365 catch ups;

Day 52: BabyBugs

Day 53: Cloud Gazing

Day 54: Wet Washing...

Playgroup Outing

This morning we ventured back into the playgroup world. I wanted to stay home, especially after Ellie got me up before it got light, but I ignored my jitters (not to mention my headache, sick stomach and extreme exhaustion). Getting us out the door by 9.30 was a challenge and I am proud to say that we made it on time!

I hate that moment when you walk into a room full of mothers and they all turn to size you up, lowering their voices as if they were actually talking about you as you made your way through the door and looking you and your children up and down before going back to their conversations.

As this moment passed, I took a deep breath and signed the book while Ellie held tight to my finger. She was very shy at first, happily amusing herself and playing alone. Eventually, she made her way to the playdough and kitchen to 'cook', which drew quite a few older girls to her. Thankfully, she had warmed up enough to chatter to them and share.

I laid Kahlei on a baby playmat close to the playdough and watched while Ellie did her thing. I like to be somewhat near Ellie in these kinds of situations, keeping an eye on her and interacting with her when she has something she would like to share with me (cooked playdough, for me? Yummo). This means I have little interaction with the other parents who are at the table having morning tea (some not bothering to watch as their little boy snatches toys and is a general nuscience). With my whole new weight loss journey I didn't want to go and sit at the morning tea table, where delicious looking scones, cake and biscuits mocked me. I do not consider myself a 'helicopter mum', I do not interfere in her activities or hover over her waiting to save her from everything, but I do believe that I should keep an eye on her. She is only young, after all.

Once the door to outside was open Ellie wandered out there for a swing and a slide. Unfortunately, she wanted to climb UP the slide while another little girl wanted to go down, so another lady offered to hold Kahlei while I showed Ellie that she had to climb up the ladder at the back AND wait her turn (I know, that's asking a whole lot of a toddler). Once that was figured out I watched Ellie's delight as she slipped down the slide and heard one of the ladies asking how warm Kahlei's wrap was. The lady holding her said "Not very and she has coughed once." I instantly felt quite defensive. I knew for a fact that Kahlei was warm enough (in fact she was even a little sweaty) and had not coughed, she simply made protest noises at being so near nap time and being with a stranger.

As Kahlei got more tired I decided it was time to go. She will no longer go to sleep in our arms, especially when out somewhere so busy, with so much to look at. I scooped up Ellie and was met with screaming. That's okay, though, we're all mothers, right? No. From the looks I was getting, it was not at all okay. This is the second public tantrum in the presence of people who, apparently, have perfect children who would never, ever throw a tantrum - especially in public. If Ellie could say "Bad Mummy" I'm pretty sure she would have at that moment when all eyes were on me, judging and unimpressed.

Having worked in the childcare industry, I can't explain how I came to the belief that coping with a toddler's tantrum in a place full of parents of toddler would be met with understanding and support. Yes, that's what I thought! Go on, laugh at me, I sure am.

I don't understand the attitudes of some mothers. I don't know why raising our children is a competition, why it is that we can't raise our children in a different way to others without it being considered the 'wrong' way. For me it works and if my children are happy, healthy and thriving then I'd say it's the right way for me, as I would say that what works for you is the right way for you.

I have discussed my thoughts on what I call the 'elitist mother' in a previous post. I want to find a way to encourage acceptance and unity among mothers (big dreams, huh?), we're all on this amazing journey whether we use cloth or disposable, whether we breastfeed or bottle feed and sometimes support from someone else experiencing this crazy thing called Parenthood is just what we need.