Mammarazzi Monday: {Yellow} and some thoughts

With all the drama we have experienced with Ellie ending up, and spending the whole weekend, in hospital I didn't get a chance to get out and take any photos for this week's Mammarazzi Monday, so I suppose it was lucky I had taken some piccies of a lily at my Father-in-law's the weekend before.

Editing the photo and adding the thought really did manage to lighten my day as I struggled with Ellie's growing attitude and tantrums. Being stuck inside and, even worse, in bed drove her nuts and she woke this morning in quite a mood and fought me at every turn. I could feel the eyes of the other people in the ward; I'm pretty sure that they were pretty sure I had raised one hell of a brat. She really put it on, I've not ever seen her like that and while I understand it was circumstantial I still felt the pressure of her actions; to the point where I started to seriously feel the need to apologise to each and every person there. I didn't, but still.

In the quiet moments - which were few and far between - I would sit and watch my baby, thinking how lucky I was that she wasn't there for something serious and wondering how parents with seriously ill children do what they do. Especially if they are juggling a hospitalised child and children at home. Truly, these people must be the epitome of Super Parents and I am humbled, awed and inspired by them.

Before I go, I just want to say a huge thank you for all the supportive comments. Your words really helped me through the night and remind me that the negative thoughts telling me I am a bad parent are just thoughts and not truth. You guys rock.






Oh and P.S. We are home :)

Guest Post: How Did I Become That Mum

Today we have a little treat here at BeckyandJames.com; the ever lovely Louisa is sharing a post which I could have written myself, it's that close to what I am experiencing with Ellie.  Enjoy and be sure to pop over to Louisa's blog to check out her home on the net!

Louisa is mum to two littlies, Miss Bliss and Little Bear. She lives in
Melbourne and is addicted to coffee, to-do lists and blogging, in no
particular order. She loves being a Mum even if sometimes it feels a bit
frantic. Louisa writes most days at Everything is Edible

 How Did I Become That Mum

It was about two weeks ago that I realised it.

My child does not listen to me,
respect me nor
fear me
one. little. bit.

She's gone from refusing to go into time out, to blithely ignoring me in general. I mean whaaaat?!? How does a two year old refuse time out??

Sheesh!

It feels like a bad episode of Super Nanny.
How did I become the Mum who can't control her own kid?
Whose kid kicks and screams and loses it ten times over, over nothing.

How did we get here?

It certainly didn't start out this way.

Perhaps it was when I started "choosing my battles" while preggers.

In theory it was in the name of positive parenting but really it was 'cause she's just so darn strong, and exhausting, and persistent, and if I'm really honest I couldn't be bothered fighting her.

So I didn't;
and she quickly figured out
that I wouldn't.

Perhaps it was when I started turning a good parenting strategy of being flexible into an excuse to give-in-to-any-stupid-whim-she-had-in-order-to-avoid-a-meltdown.

Yeah, that was a greeaaaat decision.

Uping the ante on television didn't help.
It's always left her a little riled.
And one might say we up'd the ante about 2000% over the past few months.

Was it laziness exhaustion?
Can it really happen that quickly?

However and whatever, it turns out that it can.

And it has.

And now, somehow, I've got to regain my place as Mother.

Wish me luck?

Remember: It's Just a Stage

 With all the drama we've been experiencing of late it can, at times, be hard to remember what beautiful, lovely munchkins my girls are. Over the weekend, I spent much time in bed resting, but the moments I spent with Ellie and Kahlei cuddling and laughing was just what I needed. What I needed to remember they're essentially good girls, they just have their moments, like all children. It just so happens that they're having said moments at a time when I am not at my best, at a time when my coping skills are not that great.

Ah, how I love my babies ♥

Join in with more Point & Shoot fun over at Fat Mum Slim.

A Hard Day's Work

It's a tough life

You know those days when work is just hectic, you simply don't have time for anything but work? There's no time for lunch, barely a second for a sip of coffee (or milo) and definitely no time for a toilet break.

Apparently, these hard days are starting earlier and earlier for younger generations. Only yesterday, Ellie couldn't take a moment to eat her lunch or drink her milo, "I'm working" was her exasperated cry when I asked her to eat up.

Only once I'd promised to 'do her the favour' and pick up the slack was she able to take a gulp of her drink and a bite of her lunch while she diligently overlooked my attempt to keep up the pace. Soon enough, she was back at it... working away.

Beaut Brainwave...

Lately, I have had the perfect excuse to not fold and put away the girl's clothes. Simply put, when Kahlei gets up from her nap, she loves to open all the draws and throw the clothes everywhere. Everyday, I have to go in and pick them up and the last thing I wanted was more clothes to put away over and over again. I mentioned my perfectly reasonable thought process to James and was told I should do it anyway in a grunty, grumpy man way. Well, I guess I probably should do it anyway, but I had a good reason not to.

Saturday I diligently folded all their clothes and put them away, like the good wife I am.

Today I went in to get Kahlei after her nap to find she had completely trashed the room. Not only were the clothes everywhere, but so where the toys, nappies and wipes.


So, instead of being in the pile off the floor, all the clothes were unfolded on the floor. Luckily, Kahlei is just as happy to help pick them up and put them away as she is to unfold them and throw them about. While Ellie stayed asleep in my room we cleaned up.

The last photo shows me I missed a ball under the cot. Argh. So, until tomorrow this how it looks...

One of THOSE Days

You know those days when you simply wake up on the wrong side of the bed and then everything goes down hill from there? Welcome to my Sunday.

The day didn't start so well, as I am lamenting the disappearance of my excitement and enthusiasm over weekends. I used to look forward to James being home, to some family time, to some alone time. Now, with James diligently working in the yard, weekends are exactly the same as weekdays. I spend 7 days a week with the girls. Sometimes, it just gets to be a bit much. Sometimes, it would be nice to have some adult conversation or to meet someone for coffee. We're stuck in this house day in, day out. I have my reasons for not wanting to walk around my neighbourhood and the only nice park is too far to walk anyway because; lets face it, I am not fit enough (and on some days not patient enough) to do that big walk right now.

With James at home, working, I figured I would take the girls out to the park in his car. It started well, they had a blast and I love to watch them play. Every time we go, they are brave enough to try something new or accomplish something they've been trying to for awhile.

An older girl, who had been watching her brother play soccer, came over to play. She asked Ellie her name, to which she replied "Ellie." The girl clarified "Ellie?" Yup. So, for some reason she decided to call her Ella. Huh? For awhile, they just ran around and then the girl started getting Ellie to follow her to do things for bigger kids - like, the hangy rubber things that you kind of monkey along...

Does that help? She's right at the bottom because, obviously, she's too little to hang on at the top. Ellie kept telling her she was too little and I was very proud that she was aware of her limits. She is willing to try things, as long as she is comfortable and I think that's an important instinct to follow.

Eventually, however, the girl did coerce her to try. I told Ellie she could try if she felt comfortable, but only if I was the one helping her. That made the girl go back to her family, leaving my girls to play merrily. I breathed a sigh of relief, I love the girls playing with others but big kids just don't realise that Ellie and Kahlei are still growing and learning.

They played with a nice little boy. Sorry, BIG boy (I made the mistake of calling him little at the park). Then, the girl came back just as another bigger girl came along. Ellie thought that she still wanted to play with her, but instead the two biggies ran around, in a more nasty way, to avoid her. I was not impressed. When Ellie almost got bowled over by the first girl I decided it was time to go.

We-hell. Ellie may still only be a toddler but spending time with a big girl had left her with a big girl attitude. She carried on as if I was murdering her, instead of saying we had to go buy bleach. Boy, can she scream! We struggled to the car, I wrestled both girls into their seats and we headed to the shop. Ellie talked happily about what she did at the playground, so I figured we'd passed the pre-three tantrum.

Feeling braver, we hopped out of the car only to have Ellie stand in the parking lot and scream at me because she didn't want to hold my hand across the road. Only Kahlei could, apparently. I have two rules while out; hold my hand on the road and don't complain when we leave (the park, store, whatever). That was two rules broken out of two. Awesome.

I grabbed her hand and we quickly crossed. I let her go on the sidewalk and started up the steps. She didn't want to hold my hand, so I figured that would be okay. Wrong. She stood there, more screaming, some stomping and carrying on. An old lady about to go up the steps asked if it would help if she held Ellie's hand (like I had dashed up the steps and denied her a hand). I explained that holding hands had been the problem to start with and she was 'just at that age'. I hate that saying, but it's becoming more and more relevant by the day.

We struggled through the store to buy bleach. Ellie insisted on pushing Kahlei in the trolley. I wasn't allowed to touch it. She would happily stop and talk to randoms, but for me she reserved attitude and disobedience.

After the longest ever run to the shop for one thing, I got Ellie to climb in Kahlei's side and sit in her seat while I put the trolley over to the side, got the bag and Kahlei out and put them in the car. I did Kahlei up, who was starting to whinge too and drove to the bakery. I stopped the car and felt very much like the thing I wanted to do was leave them both in the car while I popped in to get some rolls. I've promised myself I will never do that, not even for something quick, so I undid myself and as I went to open my door Ellie said "You didn't do me up." Holy Crap. I looked at her, she had her arms in but I hadn't come around to buckle her up. I still can't believe that I was so frustrated and rattled to not do her up. I explained how dangerous it was to not be buckled up and that she needed to tell me straight away if I ever forgot again. To which she said a blatant "No."

We got our rolls and made our way home. The whole way she whinged about not wanting to go home. Every time I turned into a street nearer to our house she got louder and more whingy.

We had lunch outside with Daddy before nap time. I thought (hoped, prayed) that it would be a nice long nap. Halfway through, as always, Kahlei woke and I went to soothe her then returned to bed with Ellie only to find she was sitting up. She screamed for half an hour about wanting to cuddle daddy. I can't say I have ever had a stronger urge to smack a child than I did in those long 30 minutes. I set my jaw and turned away from her. Nothing I said or did would stop her, so I figured I would just let it take it's course. The most annoying that was that she was exhausted and could barely keep her eyes open. Eventually, she calmed down and snuggled into my back quietly. I relaxed and closed my eyes for a sleep, only to hear James come in.

Ellie laid there and said "Daddy's here." and I said she could go out and give him a cuddle, since that was what she had carried on about, but that set off even more water works. I guess when she said she wanted to cuddle daddy she meant something completely different.

The night continued with whinging and crying from both girls and yelling from James and I. In the end I decided to give them an early dinner and put them in bed. Unfortunately, our new sleeping arrangement of both girls sleeping side-by-side (which was cute last night) and them being put to bed at the same time meant Kahlei didn't go straight to sleep like normal, instead she played and kept Ellie awake for over three hours. ARGH.

I wish I could spend all this time with them and not get so drained. I wish I didn't end up so emotionally, physically and mentally effected. I read blogs of women who seem to be able to spend every single day with their children, without ever a mention of others helping and they always seem to be able to get through life smoothly. There are always educational activities and warm-fuzzy posts. Can I be the only mother who really needs to be surrounded and supported by people I know and trust to survive this roller coaster of motherhood? I am feeling so very much like a failure. So sick of having to deal with most of this crap on my own. So annoyed that getting out of here is taking so long and that it's the reason my husband is forever in the backyard working while I wish we could be doing something as a family. I see people's happy snaps of family outings and I get jealous that we're at a point where getting out and doing something nice, or even just playing together seems to be the last thing we can do.

Now, it's time for bed and I am still cranky. House was a tear-jerker and I have a headache. At least the girls are finally asleep.

Potty Training

We're trying to potty train Ellie again. She's been doing well, but then we'll have a moment where she just doesn't want to go potty. She will start crying to have a nappy on instead of wearing undies. It is getting just a little frustrating. But, at the same time I am proud of her. I just wish she wouldn't have these little hissy fits!!

As she's getting to three she is getting more and more defiant. Today we went shopping and she really was just a pain. At one point she sat herself down in the middle of the isle, hands in lap and wouldn't budge. I had to hide around the corner and laugh because it was so darn cute. I wanted to whip out the camera and take a photo but I thought that might over-ride my 'stern mum' voice I used when I told her to stop being silly and get up. All this because she couldn't have a lollypop.

At the end, as we were leaving she dug her heals in and told me she wasn't coming home with me. I tried to get her to come with a bit of counting but she stomped her foot and repeated that she was not coming home with me. So, I went to get her and she dodged me a few times before I grabbed her. Then she wacked me in the face. I think I have a fat lip, it was hard. Then she kicked, hit and screamed her way out of the shop. Charming.

*Sigh* Where is my lovely little girl??

Update!

My promise of being a better blogger ended up being a lie!! Oops. So, I thought I would come and do an update on life. Firstly - James turned 26 last Wednesday, I had actually written a Happy Birthday post, which I thought I had published but musn't have... So - Happy belated Birthday to my love.

Kahlei is meeting milestones in leaps and bounds now that she is mobile. Last Thursday she said "Mumma" for the very first time - I was sooo thrilled as I've been hearing Dadda for quite some time. She also says hello, mostly in reply to Ellie and I swear I have heard her say Ellie, too.

That same day she started pulling herself up onto her knees, trying to stand up and cut her third tooth. It was a big day! Today, she has finally started crawling on her on her knees - before she looked like she was swimming, she would reach out with her hands, put them together and pull her body towards them. It was a very effective way to crawl, as she was so fast!

Unlike Ellie, Kahlei is happy to show off her newest skills on command. If I say wave, she will. If I ask her to clap she obliges. Very cute.

Ellie's growing up fast, too. She is forever telling us stories. While this is not new in itself it is new that she's actually telling us things she remembers ... and sometimes elaborating on that memory. Her favourite story is from when my mum and brothers came to visit for her party. She loves to talk about the 'Pileww' (pillow, ie jumping pillow). She will tell us about people jumping on it. Joshy, Max, Caleb, Nanna and Casey. At the start of these stories she would tell us 'a bit scary' but these days she is also jumping on the pileww. As is Kahlei. Sometimes, Daddy's on there and even more amazingly, sometimes Grandpa's having a jump (he didn't come). Once we've discussed this in detail we move onto the pool.

She's not been swimming in a pool before, but she saw Ethan and Caleb doing so. She'll tell us about the 'mawter' (water) and about swimming and splashing while making very convincing swimming actions for someone who has never actually swum.

Ellie is also treading very close to the Terrible Two line. She sure has some attitude and can often be heard saying no, mine, give me it, no, no and no. We've started using the naughty chair, which actually worked like a charm the first few times we did it, however she is now pushing the boundaries. The other day she didn't want to stay on it, I had to put her back on numerous times.

As for me, I am enjoying watching my girls grow up and the way they interact with each other.  I have been working on a full kit, which I hope will be ready in the not too distant future and have recently joined two more awesome CTs. One for Honey Designs and as a Pixie at Enchanted Studio Scraps. I am loving all the kits I have been able to work with recently. Honestly, I have not had one I've struggled with ideas. They've all spoken to me in different ways and I have been so happy with what I have come up with. I honestly can say that I work with some of the most amazing designers.

Speaking of which, if you're interested in going into the draw to win one of four cluster frames pop over to my CT Blog and leave a comment to go into the running! While you're there check out my newest LOs ;)

This is just one of the frames you could win.

Made by Holly - check out her blog here.

Right, I must be off now. I will try and be back sooner rather than later. If you leave me some love I'm sure I'll find the motivation ;)

"Oh, Mojo where are you?"

Grr. I just wrote this and I did some weird clicky thing and *poof* it's gone!

I have been trying to get some scrapping done. Either a layout or a bit of playing around with designing, but it's just not happening. So, I am watching The Devil Wears Prada and essentially zoning out. I wasn't going to post today, however, I decided to share some piccies with you.

That's right! My baby has started sitting up, fully unsupported. At first it was just when she was eating and as soon as she was finished she would topple over. Today she sat out on the lawn for ages, just eating, looking, laughing. It was gorgeous. She is gorgeous. So clever :)

My favourite thing is that now the two girls can sit outside together and have their morning tea. Today they both loved their cucumber sticks and pretty much left everything else. So adorable.

This is the face of my munchkin trying broccolli for the first time, she was not really impressed and that's saying something as she eats everything that I give her.

And here's my little diva, at a happy moment during today. Life's tough for an almost two year old and Ellie's making sure we know all about it at the moment. Tantrums are extreme and somewhat overwhelming when they come one on top of the other, but we're surviving. For the moment.

Anyway, I don't have the mojo to write a decent post either, so this is me signing off.

Frustrating Yet Soo Cute!

Ellie has started being interested in 'helping' me feed Kahlei her dinner. It started the other night as I was feeding Kahlei while cooking our tea. Ellie came up and picked up the spoon while I was stiring the chicken and that was it. Now, it's her job. If I'm doing it she's not at all happy. Mostly she does okay, but tonight she was all about pretending to chew everytime she got the spoon near Kahlei's mouth, so the food was going all over poor Kahlei and Ellie's standing there going "mmm mmm mmm".

How cute is it?

I have uploaded a few more photos to Redbubble that I would like to share, too.

Images are linked, feel free to click thru - take a look, leave a comment or buy ;) Okay, so I am actually avoiding getting into my BOTCT layout for week 3... so, I should get stuck into that.

What a day..

Well... It's been a day and half here! Last night was a shocker with Kahlei barely sleeping and James and I both being sick, so it's safe to say I wasn't in the best of moods this morning. It all seemed to start well, Kahlei finally fell into a good sleep (much to my frustration, it was at a time when I couldn't be sleeping too) and Ellie seemed to be in high spirits, even though I am sure she must have been disturbed last night.

Everything went as normal, we ate breakfast and James went off to work and Ellie and I made the bed before I turned on the TV for Ellie to watch In The Night Garden. As the show started, it all fell apart. I don't even know why - all of a sudden Ellie was screaming, crying, carrying on and throwing her arms about in the air. No amount of Igglepiggle stopped the racket (and boy can that girl SCREAM - I mean piercing straight into my brain)! Somehow, we pulled ourselves together to go out as we were about to run out of nappies, which we seem to be doing a bit lately. Where once we had boxes and boxes we now seem to be living one bag to the next - it's a tad stressful.

So, we went out and the girls were perfect (thank goodness)!  I was thinking we'd come home, I'd pop both girls in bed and have a sleep myself and it seemed to be going that way. Both girls went to bed without a peep. 5 minutes later Kahlei was awake and playing with her mobile and being generally noisy, so I decided to get her up and put her in bed with me. I gave her a feed and thought she would sleep, but instead she started chatting to me. Now, I love to hear her gorgeous little chatterings, but I was seriously so tired, I just wished she would stop!!

By the time Ellie got up there'd been no sleep for me... For whatever reason Ellie got up in a terrible mood and Kahlei decided she was actually extremely tired and grumpy (*sigh* go figure). Arsenic hour in our house normally starts at about 4.30 pm and reaches it's peak at 5.30 pm if James hasn't come home by then. Today, it began at 1pm and didn't end until about 5.30.

Once things had calmed down I prepared dinner, James and Ellie fed Kahlei a bottle and all seemed right with the world. Until I got dinner on the table. I was just about to sit down when Kahlei started whinging, I figured she was ready for bed, as she should have been and picked her up as she projectile vomitted ALL over me! I have serisouly never seen a baby vomit that much. She was covered, I was covered, James was kind of laughing and somewhat frozen from shock. As was I. Then she started heaving again, so I did the only logical thing (in my shocked state) and turned her around. Now I am covered, she is covered, the rug is covered... Good move...

I was standing there saying to James "Help?" and he had no idea what to do! I quickly sat down with her on my lap to try and calm her and she brought up another litre of projectile yellow vomit (okay, maybe not literally that much but it was heaps). After which she started chatting and smiling, obviously that did the trick.

Since she was obviously feeling better we got in the shower, which caused a tantrum from Ellie who also wanted to be in the shower - not eating dinner with Daddy.

After the three of us had a nice warm shower things finally settled down. Both girls had a story and went to bed and they're still sleeping now. I just hope we have a good night tonight!

Before I go off to bed: Digiridoo Scraps is having a CT call. If you love digiscrapping, being a part of a fun community and the chance to work with kits from awesome designers then I suggest you apply!!

Mother of the Year, here I come!

I have had an upset tummy this week, between that and Kahlei sleeping badly thru the night I am utterly exhausted. So, Tuesday morning I get Kahlei settled for a nap, Ellie settled on her couch to watch In the Night Garden and decide to lie down while she watches it. As soon as my head hits the cushion I'm out - I don't see a single moment of In the Night Garden, even though the TV only went on a moment before it begun. Quite sometime later I awoke to a strange rustling. The first thing I notice is that Ellie is quiet and has had the television for much longer than her normal half hour. But, mainly, Ellie is quiet. I glance at her couch at the same time that I feel a weight on my feet and hear another ominous rustling.

I look and find my Angel sitting happily with an empty packet of Tim Tams on her lap, which she must have gotten off the wall which is behind the couch dividing the kitchen from the lounge. At first I wasn't sure that she had eaten them as she was much too clean but then I remembered James and I had only had one each the night before and there had been at least two left... Probably more. Still, she was awfully clean... I checked around her for any remains, finding none. She was very pleased with herself, which left no doubt in my mind that she had enjoyed a lovely morning tea!

Project 365 Catch-up

Day 104: The Wheels

Day 105: Tree Tied

Day 106: Discarded

Day 107: Bloom

The Will of a Toddler

With Ellie's second birthday just around the corner we are finding she is pushing the boundaries more and asserting her will in every situation she possibly can.

While "No" was once a word she 'tested' on us before doing whatever it was we were asking of her, it is now a definitive answer. She crosses her arms, shakes her head, stamps her foot and stands her ground. She is of the opinion that "No means no", well, if she says it,anyway. If we tell her no, then it's obviously open for negotiation.

She is very vocal in her opinions and is easily set off into a temper tantrum. Of late she has also been very possessive of toys. If Kahlei has a toy and Ellie takes a moment to realise that Kahlei's having a wonderful time, then she will decide to take it off her. It's not just toys, though, if I put Kahlei on the same mat as Ellie or on Ellie's bed it causes 'issues'. I have to admit that I have been quite surprised by her sudden attitude toward her sister since, really, Ellie would be hard pressed to remember any different, so I was kind of expecting that this kind of behaviour wouldn't come until the girls were older and more competitive. I know, how naive of me.

We're definately well on our way to Terrible Two territory. Which should be fun.

My Socialite

Ellie is such a social butterfly. She loves people. She loves to be the center of attention. Lately, I have noticed her becoming more selective about who she chooses to approach, whether it be at a playground or in an extended family situation. It intrigues me to watch her pick one little girl over another, or an older boy over a little girl. Sometimes she will totally disregard a person who has made an effort to come up to her or be totally oblivious of another child following her as she plays. I wonder what qualities she sees in those she is drawn to, I wonder what she is thinking. I try to pick up a pattern, does she choose the most outgoing? The prettiest? Is it an age thing? As yet, I have been unable to figure it out.

I love how she goes up to children at the playground, leans slightly towards them and waves while saying "Hello". Her face simply lights up. Then she will happily play and be excited to come face-to-face with them again as they go about their own games and say "Hello" again. Sometimes she will follow said child, if they particularly take her fancy, at a distance for a while before going off to play again. I wonder what she is learning from these interactions, from watching others.

She is in awe of our family doctor, she will sit silently and watch his every move as he checks her over, measures her, listens to her chest. She is totally in love. She already knows how to charm him with a smile and some bubbly chatting (who knows what she's actually saying...).

Talking on the phone to my parents is a highlight for her, she will look at me with her eyes shining and say "Na" or "Pa" and then will happily chat away forever. She even pretends to talk to them, walking around the house on her little phone saying their names and babbling for AGES. When she gets to see them it's like Christmas (and sometimes it actually is Christmas...).

Another person she loves to spend time with is her favourite aunty, Casey. Case is my first cousin, so not technically Ellie's aunty, but she may as well be and that's what she would like to be called. When we went to James's appointment the other day Ellie had the opportunity to spend some time with Aunty Casey and she was so cute. Everything Case does is hilarious, every move she makes is watched. It doesn't matter how long it's been since they last saw each other, like when Casey was in America for 4 months, Ellie always remembers her and is ready with a big smile for some special fun, the kind you can only have with an aunty like Casey.

If I were to be honest, and I try to be, I would say that I don't know where she gets her confidence or how she manages to be so at ease with people she does not know. I'd have to say I doubt she got these qualities from James or I. Maybe it's all the time she spends with my mum - she is the meaning of Social Butterfly. Casey, too. Thank goodness she has some good socializing role models!

8...

Yesterday afternoon Ellie and I did actually get some of what I wanted done! Woo! I have big plans for today, so much so that I am not going to have a nap while Ellie is - once I have finished lunch I'll be getting straight into it!

We have just come home from my last midwives appointment, with another midwife I didn't know. Last time around I was able to form a bond with one or two of the widwives I had seen and was lucky enough to have one of those in theater with me when I had Ellie. I am starting to worry about having someone I feel is a complete stranger go in with me, I really hope I get the one midwife I have seen this time around that I know.

I am starting to worry more and more about having to take a baby and a toddler out, especially after this morning. Ellie will no longer happily hold my hand, she's a slippery little bugger and can twist her hand out of mine so fast! She wants to follow people or pick things up off the ground or simply play 'chasies'. And she's quick! It's almost as if she doesn't want to walk, because she knows that as soon as she pulls her hand out of mine and walks away (or throws herself on the ground because I said she can't have something) that I will pick her up - that's the rule we've implemented since she could walk due to knowing there was another baby on the way. We have a Bugaboo Cameleon, a Quinny Zapp and a Baby Bjorn carrier (wow, does that sound like a whole heap of name dropping!), so it's not as if we're lacking means of transporting the girls, I just have to decide each time we go out which combination to use... Bugaboo for Bubby while Ellie walks or Ellie in the Zapp and Bubby in the carrier. I don't want to get halfway through what I am doing and think 'This was a bad idea!' I'm thinking I will avoid going out until weekends when James can be around to help, unless I absolutely can't help it (ie doctor's appointments).

I love our Zapp but at the same time I wish that when we started having problems with our Bugaboo warranty we had thought more about the fact that we would have two children, sold the Bugaboo and bought a tandem pram instead.

Home Sweet Home!

I am utterly exhausted and plan to stay at home for the rest of the week! This morning was playgroup, so we got ourselves sorted and out the door even though all I wanted to do, now that I am suffering terrible pregnancy related insomnia along with getting up to Ellie during the night and our early mornings, was sleep.

On the way out I twisted my ankle, I am so unco these days! We popped to the shop to get something to take along and Ellie kept trying to run off, making poor me hobble (ankle) and waddle (biiig belly) after her. Fun.

Ellie had a wonderful time a playgroup. She loves to push the dolls around in prams, throw then balls and play with the playdough. Today she also found the little kitchen they have, she had a great time closing the fridge door, throwing her head back and pretending to laugh.  She had a little boy try to push her off a bike but she stood her ground, which is good as I had worried about how she would cope with 'bossier' children. It's still hard for me to get to know the mum's there as I have come to realise that even the new mums are locals and everybody knows everybody from something, so they're much more interested in catching up with each other than getting to know me. I understand that, so I will just hope it gets better.

We had to leave early for a midwives appointment, Ellie wasn't thrilled about that!

Once home Ellie went to bed. I didn't have to go into her once, she cried a little but settled pretty quick. I went in and found her like this:

How cute is her hand on her baby? Unfortunately, this bliss didn't last long as our neighbour's veranda is prectically right next to her window and for some reason her visitors CAN NOT be quiet when they arrive! They stamp up her stairs, yelling out to her as they go and then she gets to the door and is just as noisy in greeting them. It annoys me beyond belief. What's wrong with knocking like a normal person? Seriously. I went in and climbed into bed with her to settle her and we had a little sleep - not a long one, though, as another visitor arrived and you only get one chance to re-settle Ellie for day sleeps! I wish we had been able to sleep longer because I am feeling like crap, but she's being good - having some arfternoon tea and watching the weird little bird that seems to think it lives on our veranda.

Well, I had best get something more done before Ellie's finished. 

Not Long Now!

Just under three weeks, in fact and Ellie has turned into a complete little monster! It started yesterday when I took her to the park and she had her first highly embarrassing tantrum. She was happily climbing up and down the steps to the slippery-dip when a little boy decided to go on the baby swing. Suddenly, she was desperate to get on that very same swing. She kept trying to run in front of the swing, stamping her feet and crying as I tried to calm her down and tell her that it was the little boy's turn on the swing. She got very worked up, I even have a big scratch on my face from her swiping at me.

During the afternoon she spent a lot of time being cheeky, following me around and undoing anything I cleaned. Then it was bed time... Welllll, that was fun!

It started fine, she went down like she always does - without a peep. Not long after, however, she started crying. I was able to settle her and go back to the dishes for a moment before she woke again. I gave her some panadol, as I can feel two teeth up the top, they're very close to coming thru and settled her again. It didn't last long. I don't even know how many times I had to go in before she did the thing I have been dreading since putting her in her bed. Yup, she got up. Over and over and over again! Eventually, James got her settled and she slept well after that - until 4.30am, at least. She could not be settled, so I took her into bed with us but she couldn't seem to get comfortable, she wanted to sleep but just kept moving and poking me. Eventually, I took her into her room, we laid on her bed and she finally had a little sleep before we had to get up.

This morning, she seemed okay, her normal happy self. We went to the shop for milk and bread so that we would be able to have brekky in the morning and then came home to play in the backyard. By nap time she was exhausted so I popped her in bed - again not a peep... But not too long after she was crying and a moment later she was in the kitchen beside me. We played the 'back to bed' game for half an hour before James called (I sent him an SOS sms) and suggested I maybe get her up for half an hour. I did, and she just lay on the couch the whole time so I thought 'Great! She'll go down nice and easy now.' Mmm hmm. An hour later I finally gave up and sat by the bed, looking the other way and she fell asleep. I really didn't want to do that because she so easily decides that she wants something all the time once we've done it once, but I figure sometimes you've just gotta do whatever it takes. The thing that frustrates me the most is that I would lie her down and she would close her eyes because she was so so tired but once I started to leave she was practically off the bed before I got out the door! I just hope she has a decent sleep now that she's finally settled.

I'm worried and the timing is so bad! I am stressing about bringing a newborn home when she's being so difficult. I hope it's just a phase, but as a mother I wonder if her behaviour has been brought on by something I have done. Some classic Mother's Guilt to add to every day life.

I, myself, am not sleeping well. I'm at the stage where I am too uncomfortable to get a decent sleep and the heat and the aches, pains, constant headaches... Argh.

On a brigher note James gave me an early Christmas pressie yesterday - a new camera!! We had decided to get one before Bubby's birth as we didn't want to get to the day and have my camera conk out. This new one is tiny and oh-so-sexy! It has so many cool features and I have loved playing with it!!

Anyway, I had best go have a rest before Ellie wakes up!

 

Seriously...

...Would the person who swapped my gorgeous little girl for the monster toddler currently residing in our home please return her IMMEDIATELY for a full exchange!

Oh. My. Gosh. Ellie is on some kind of freaky-hypo-tantrum high today! She is literally into everything and doing anything she knows she's not allowed to. I am exhausted and the day's barely half over! Thank goodness she's having a sleep right now so I can sit down, give my poor hips and back a rest.

Everything is such a drama. Just before I put her to bed I laid her on the change table for a new nappy, she looked at me like I was committing a crime and said "Ouch" in the whingiest voice I have ever heard. Ouch is her responce to most things if she doesn't want to be doing them, lol. This morning she was playing with a stamp I have, so I stamped her hand with it - she cried. I washed the stamp off - she cried. I really can't win today. Everything is met by her stamping her foot, plonking her bottom on the ground and making an offended "oh" sound or a good cry.

James mentioned that she might be worried about our impending arrival - which is probably very true. She is probably picking up on how we're feeling - especially me since she's with me allllll day and as the date approaches I am feeling more nervous, excited, scared, unprepared...

Today has made me pretty certain Ellie will be one of those toddlers who gets upto mischief as soon as I am feeding Bubby - at least for the first little while. I am thinking of organising a special box to only get out when it's feedng time with things in it to keep her entertained. I don't know what to put in it yet, though. I am also thinking I will need to have a cooking afternoon once a week or so to prepare snacks to have on hand or her so she can eat with Bubby.

27 and a half days until she's here... wow. I can't wait but I am worried about how I will handle two under two right now (with the way Ellie's been playing up). I'm also nervous about being ready. I still haven't got most of the things on my hospital bag list, exept some undies - I can't just prance around in my granny undies if it all happens sooner than expected, though, can I? There's a mental image for you all ;)

I just can't believe Bubby's arrival is so close. I am thankful that it is because I am so sore this time around. I told James yesterday that I figure Bubby is practically an elephant.. lol.

I'd best go get something done. 

  

Free to a Good Home: 1 Toddler

Ellie is currently going through a bit of a feral stage at the moment... She is very defiant and really isn't into listening when we tell her 'No'. She's good at the whole tantrum thing, stamping her feet, putting her hands on her hips or folding them in front of her (which is cute), throwing herself on the floor, biting and sometimes screaming. She has also become real good at turning away/moving her arm just at the right time so we can't catch her!

My favourite thing, of course, is her hitting. Yesterday and today have been the worst. If I say "No" or if I don't understand what she wants when she points and babbles I get hit. I don't know where this has come from. We don't smack. Granted there have been little taps on her hand (very rarely) in the past but we have stopped that. For me, I felt that if I wanted Ellie to not learn to vent her frustrations by hitting then I wasn't prepared to teach her that a tap on the hand was okay. She doesn't know the difference between hitting and tapping and I was worried about what might happen once Bubby arrived on the scene. Obviously, not tapping her hand hasn't stopped her developing this annoying habit but I want her to hear me saying that it's not nice and see that I don't say one thing and do another.

I am grateful, however, that she is continuing to go down for sleeps/naps well. She no longer wakes for a bottle, the only reason I have to get up is that she will crawl to the side of her bed and cry (while still asleep) because she is uncomfortable. I would leave her but I am scared of her falling out! I just lie her back down next to her doll and tuck her in - no issue :D It's so great to finally see a positive change in her sleep.

The worst thing about her sudden spate of 'feral' is that it coincides with me being sick! I have been quite sick since coming home from our visit to Bathurst on the long weekend - this week has been the worst for both my sickness and Ellie's behaviour! I am finally feeling like I am on the mend but I still feel pretty crap. Pregnancy just really doesn't agree with me - lucky we get something wonderful at the end that makes it all worth it! 

Edit: Also, there is only 7 weeks until we meet our baby girl!!! Not long at all!