Thanks, a Little House Cleaning & I'll See You on The Otherside!

Tomorrow the first Newborn Story guest post will go live as I finish up last minute preperations for Phoenix's arrival in a day and a bit, so I thought I would just pop in quickly tonight for a little House Cleaning.

Firstly, I would like to thank Philippa of House of baby Piranha and Caz from A Little Learning for Two for bestowing the Versatile Blogger Award on me.

(I am having trouble getting the image inserted right now...)

To accept this, there are 4 rules:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award.

Thank you so much lovely ladies, Philipa and Caz, I so appreciate you thinking of me!

  

2. Share seven things about yourself

- Cows terrify me. I am almost 100% sure they're planning to take over the world, it's the way they watch you and chew oh-so-casually...

- I secretly love Beauty and the Geek, I only discovered it this season and I am completely sucked in

- I crave milk during pregnancy but cannot drink it without flavouring. Maybe it's got something to do with the cow thing?

- I dream of selling some of my photographs and being asked to do photoshoots for people

- I can't stand Yo Gabba Gabba, but I occassionally let my girls watch it because I like the messages it conveys. I just wish it didn't do it in such an annoying way!

- I am trying to get into the Christmas Spirit and failing

- I wish the Wiggles had made Sam a different colour. Yes, it's been a scarring issue in my life that he wear's Greg's yellow top (well, not literally his top, but you know what I mean)

3. Pass the award on to 12 bloggers you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic.

- BabbleOn

- Keep Cate Busy

- Mum's The Word

- Ramblings and Photos

- Surviving Motherhood

(okay, I am going to have to come back to this, lol!)

Now, I have asked James to post on Thursday a photo and details of our new arrival, but that will probably be the only update from us until I am back and able to blog again. If you're interested in some updates, like BeckyandJames.com on FaceBook as I will probably do some updates there as it's so quick and easy to do on my iPhone and it gets so lonely in hospital! I would love to hear from you guys while I am there :)

So, I guess I am off to have a baby!!

Highs and Lows

This past weekend was full of tears, excitement, sadness, happy moments and plenty of them all.

There were words with my mum, making me cranky and upset, mammoth tantrums and neediness from both girls, frustration about the lack of help I am receiving. More drama and feelings of having spent this year supporting others through tough spots, using so much energy on that and then being treated like I am a pain now that I need some support and help. As so many of you know, things get magnified a million times over in the emotional stakes during pregnancy and at this late stage everything simply seems to be piling on top of me at once.

On the upside there was a decision to let myself think Ethan is on holiday to release some of the stress about him reading instead of helping, the beauty of nature as I saw my first whale, watched an Eagle soar just over my head, a quiet lunch with my husband - alone - while Ethan stayed home with the napping girls, a precious moment with my girls at the park as Ellie caught Kahlei on the slippery dip.

And last night there was a phone call from mum telling me that 1) I can finally stop hiding my brother's secret now (as to whether I can share it here, I am not sure yet) as we all know and 2) She got tickets to Oprah and I AM HER GUEST! 

It was also our last weekend as a family of four with just two busy girls.

Join in with more Point & Shoot fun over at Fat Mum Slim
Or share your weekend at Scissors Paper Rock

Wordless Wednesday: 36 Weeks, 5 Days

 Me: Are you excited about having a baby brother soon?

Ellie: Nah... You can have mine.

{52 Weeks} Week 15: Nearing the End

With less than 2 weeks until Phoenix arrives, I wanted to dedicate this and next week's {52 Week} photos to my belly. I wasn't able to get too creative with this one, so I got James to snap a few while the girls were talking to, hugging, kissing and touching my belly at story time.

With so little time to go, Kahlei's finally decided there's a baby in my belly and that it's not a bot-bot, although, she still doesn't look convinced as she hugs me here!

Here Goes

 

Two weeks from now I will be a mother of three. My girls and husband will probably have returned home by this hour, Kahlei will be in bed, Ellie will be getting ready to settle for the night. Hopefully, James will be posting a picture of our new family member and I will be alone with my baby boy.

It is a sobering thought because I know these two weeks will drag in terms of my pain and exhaustion, but really it will pass in the blink of an eye.

Our lack of organisation is biting us in the bum and we're rushing to get everything done before Phoenix arrives. It feels a little like we're going around it circles, we're not even getting to write the to-do list so we can mark things off as we go. And I had planned on being so organised.

One thing I had decided to get arranged early on was some guest posts for my time in hospital and afterwards if needed. I was all ready to call for interested bloggers until the start of this month, when I only had one guest post while away, thanks to the lovely Sophie.

While I've  had a blog for many years, I have recently been working so very hard to build a community and after blogging daily throughout September (even twice in one day) I had hoped to keep the momentum up through a guest post or two. When I realised I wasn't going to have many guests I even tried my hand at running a photo contest to keep some interest while I was away to no avail.

And, now the bub is just around the corner and I've not done a thing due to being nervous of no response and a little embarrassed with my last attempt.

My thought was to ask for Newborn Stories, since I will be away having one and all. I envisaged tales of first newborn experiences, best newborn buys, things that surprised you about your new bundle of joy, things you wish you'd known... so on and so forth.

So, dear bloggers, here I am. Asking for your help. If you're interested in showing a Newborn Story please email me on becky+guest @ beckyandjames .com and I will love you forever :)

How Will We be Effected?

I have never written in here about my diagnosis of Post Natal Depression after Kahlei's birth. Not intentionally, as such, it just happened like that. But, many of the first months after Kahlei was born were beyond difficult for me. Even though she was a much better baby than Ellie in terms of sleeping, routine, feeding... you know, all that baby stuff, I still found it much more challenging than my first months with my non-sleeping, must be held and rocked at all times first child.

Now that Phoenix's arrival is just three weeks, one day away I am starting to worry how I will cope. There are the obvious worries, like how am I going to survive getting up during the night again, when with a full night's sleep I am still waking up tired and then there's the fear of how I will react mentally and emotionally.

Apart from the fact that I have suffered from depression previously and that I am predisposed to the condition I honestly believe that my isolation, loneliness and lack of physical support had a lot to do with my suffering PND. I had never had any intention of having a third child here. I wanted to be surrounded by people I trusted and could rely on before I ventured back into baby territory. I wanted to be sure that I could stave off any ill effects of isolation and at least have a support network to fall back on if a new baby means more PND.

So, now that we're so close to meeting our bubba boy and seemingly still so far away from moving, I can't help but wonder what the following months will bring for myself and my family - other than than the addition of our gorgeous new boy. Especially, considering I am not even off my meds ...

 I am doing all I can to stay positive, but sometimes panic comes at me from nowhere. Especially, as we leave Bathurst, to return home. It's just not something I want to do. I want to stay where I know I have friends and family and surrounded by love. Where I feel my whole family is surrounded by what they need.

Yeah, Ditto

James is one of those lucky men who manage to get sympathy pregnancy symptoms when I am expecting. With Ellie he had morning sickness right through, just as I did. With Kahlei we went to bed chewing Rennie every night to diminish our reflux and this time around he's full of aches and pains. Not to mention the fact that he gets a bit of a swollen belly.

I do feel sorry for him, in my experience pregnancy is not fun, but at the same time I sometimes wish I could finish the day with my obligatory whinge about my aches, pains and discomforts without him chorusing in with "Me too!"

After a long day, waddling about, walking my belly into anything and everything (why can't I figure out the size I am and  stop doing that?), full of braxton hicks, wriggles and pelvic/hip/back/leg (I could go on forever...) pain I don't want his response to be a groan of agreeance. I want a sympathetic ear, a back rub, maybe some chocolate and a hot milo...

I want acknowledgement of the hard work I am doing by carrying and nurturing his unborn baby while raising the two we already have and sometimes, just sometimes, I wish he could spend a day actually pregnant. Or better yet - 9 months ;)

{52 Weeks} Week 5: Bed Rest

Last night mum, the girls and I went late night shopping to finish getting birthday presents for Ellie. I really enjoyed our girl time, but it took a lot out of me. This morning, I got up to use the bathroom and Could. Not. Walk. The 10 or so steps were utterly excruciating.

I went back to bed for the hour before mum had to go to work, only to wake up at lunch time to a quiet house. Mum had taken the day off to have the girls and let me sleep after watching me hobble through the hall when I got up.

Thank goodness. I love my mum.

The rest of the day I have spent in mum's armchair with my feet up, resting. While the girls had a nap mum and I watched Julie and Julia and I have to say I was surprised that I really liked it. It was funny and touching. And because Nanna knows just how to tire Ellie and Kahlei out, we got through a whole movie without a single interruption!

Fun on the 'jumpolene'

Total Drama

Serenity NOW!

Lately, my girls have turned up the drama a notch. Ellie has hopped on the almost-three-going-on-thirteen band wagon and Kahlei has entered Terrible Two territory. At any given moment I can almost guarantee there will be a girl having a tantrum, being overly emotional, screeching, chatting back or simply blatantly ignoring any requests from an adult. Not to mention the bossiness, which both have quite a good handle on. I, of course, am trying my best to find a way to deal with this turn of events. 

I keep my head and try to reason with them, speaking calmly and clearly. Accepting that they're going through a tough stage and never losing my temper. At. All. Times. 

I wish I could make the above statement. I would love to be handling this in such a manner, taking it in my stride. Instead, I am sometimes the girl who is having a tantrum, being overly emotional, screeching or chatting back.

Thankfully, I am currently at my mum's and have some help. Especially, while I am in so much pain currently. The hardest days are those when both girls want me to be constantly picking them up when I have been told in no uncertain terms that I am not to do so. I try to explain that I need them to let me sit down and then climb up, but in their current states they're finding it difficult to understand. It's hard on me, it's hard on them.

If only I could say "In 85 days, Phoenix will be here and after some recovery time things will be much more normal" and have them understand. That would make life much easier ;)

{52 Weeks} Week 3: Baby Belly

Maria of It's MY Life has started a weekly challenge for herself and others who want to join in called "Ten Things..." Every week the subject will change. This week she chose a highly appropriate subject: Ten Things I Can't Wait To Do Once The Baby Bump Is Gone, so I thought a belly photo for today's portrait would be fitting. I might only be 23 weeks (and two days) along, but I am already over it and I can't wait to meet my little boy. Plus, if I get anything else this pregnancy I might just scream ;)

Without further ado, my list...

Ten Things I Can't Wait To Do Once The Baby Bump Is Gone
1. Cuddle my bubba boy ♥
2. Watch my girls bond with their brother
3. Walk without pain
4. Sleep on my belly
5. Sleep through the night without millions of toilet breaks (even if I'll be up to Phoenix anyway)
6. Have a Vodka after a long day once Phoenix is sleeping longer through the night
7. Wear pants that fit!
8. Go to bed and NOT get heartburn
9. Put on and do up my shoes without it being a pain
10. Shave my legs without drama

There's Pasta All Over the Floor and I Don't Care

My girls went crazy with the pasta today and I just let them go and swept it all up into a pile to dump back in the box at the end of the day. There was literally pasta all over the floor all day. I have to find ways to make the rest of this pregnancy as smooth and pain free whilst chasing the girls and keeping them as entertained as humanly possible.

You see, yesterday, during a visit to my doctor I was told I have very low blood pressure which is most probably caused by iron deficiency and Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction or SPD. I have done much research since discovering this fact and can't honestly say I am looking forward to the next 4 months.

My intention is to find a pelvic support belt and use an ice pack, as has been suggested on so many forums I have trolled on the subject, in the hope that I will be able to keep the pain at bay and avoid ending up having to use crutches or being unable to walk. My being incapacitated wouldn't make for a calm daily life with my busy munchkins, plus it simply does not sound fun.

Phoenix :D

I was quite nervous about going for my 20 week ultrasound today. I have not had good experiences in the past with the sonographers who've done my previous scans. They've been rude and impersonal, for both of my 20 week scans with the girls I burst into tears once we'd left and both times we couldn't find out what we were having, which lead to a 7 hour 3D scan to find out with Ellie and another 3D scan (not as long, thankfully) to find out with Kahlei.

Fortunately, we got lucky with a new sonographer who was quite nice and explained what she was doing and that everything looked fine. James had to take Ellie and Kahlei out halfway through as they were getting quite noisy and were distracting for her. I felt saddened that he wasn't there for the rest, but really an anomoly scan does go for a long time and the girls did well to last as long as they did.

Once they had been gone awhile, I started to think I was seeing 'little white lines' everywhere and I actually started to have a panic attack. I have been so certain from the very beginning that Phoenix was a boy. At times I briefly questioned myself, was it instinct or purely wishful thinking that had me convinced? I didn't not want bubs to be a girl, although I would love a boy but I was so sure! Holy crap, I thought to myself, it's a girl!

My fave photo - Phoenix, legs stretched out and feet crossed, just chilling :)

It was a little while before the sonographer was confident enough to share the sex with me. I was considerably disappointed James wasn't there to share the moment with me, but we had no other options for childcare...

It's a BOY!!

Emotional

That's me.

This weekend has been bad. I've been all over the place. Grumpy. Possibly irrational at times.

I am craving some nice family time. All I wanted was to get out of the house with James and the girls to do something nice. I've discussed before how I am missing my weekends. I am finding it harder and harder to stay sane with how things are. It's hard for the girls, too. They want to get out, go places and not be stuck at home. They miss spending time with James - every weekend they want to eat their lunch out on the veranda while he has his, picnic style, in order to get some time with him.

Yesterday, we did manage to go into the 'Bay for James to get a haircut and to get some warm clothes for the girls and myself. It started out fine, the girls and I perused Angus and Robertson while James got his hair done. Ellie showed me all the books she wanted for her birthday and Kahlei sang herself a little song.

At 11am we met Grandma in front of Kmart to shop for slippers for Ellie and Kahlei. Ellie was walking, but we'd left Kahlei in the pram as she was happy there, but it wasn't long before Grandma was asking Kahlei if she wanted to get out, AFTER we'd said we wanted to leave her in there for the time being.

From there, we went to the toys, where James and I got a disapproving look from Grandma for saying no to a new ball for Ellie. I mean, she only has tonnes. Halfway through the toys, Kahlei was suddenly being taken out of the pram and the girls were being encouraged to go and pick a ball each. Unsurprisingly, I am not thrilled about having our parenting undermined and it's not the first time we have said no only to have it be blatantly ignored. I don't know what to do about it because nothing we say seems to make a difference.

Taking two busy toddlers shopping is not always easy (or not ever..), but I don't think she'd thought that through because, before I knew it, Kahlei was spying things that caught her attention and was trotting off in all directions while Grandma was looking the other way. I was just lucky to have caught up to them. After that, it seemed every time I turned around she was losing the baby. James and I picked out a jumper for me, forgoing the pants I so desperately need (I have one pair that fit - I washed them during the week and put them on today, they don't fit!) so we could be done. I wasn't paying too much attention to what I was buying since I was too busy watching Kahlei. Every time Grandma saw me watching her she'd suddenly realise and go looking for her, which started the girls running about the racks. I heard Grandma grumble that she was over it and voted to leave. I just want to know what she thought would happen when she got Kahlei out? We had her in the pram for a reason...

Today, James went back to work in the yard and I took the girls to the park. Apparently, I didn't learn last week. Again, it started out alright, until my girls caught the eye of a family of kids. There were 4 of them, 2 older boys (primary school age) and 2 girls (toddlers). The youngest girl started following Ellie around, which made Ellie think they were playing and then the elder of the two girls started doing the same. The youngest went to follow Kahlei down the slide, leaving Ellie and the eldest 'playing'. The funny thing about this girl was that she wanted to play with Ellie went it suited her, without actually interacting with her, but when Ellie wanted to play this girl would tell her to go away. I saw this and simply started crying.

I had tears running down my cheeks the whole time the girls played after that. I was simply overwhelmed with the whole situation.

All Ellie wants is to play, interact and make friends. I feel like I have really let her down, not having any local friends, especially friends with children. I feel terrible that playgroup was such a disaster for us, that it wasn't the 'answer' and that we didn't find one to suit us. I hate that we don't have a car now as I would love to take the girls to explore the beach, visit the park and go to the gathering they hold by the river for children 0 - 5. That sounds more like something we could enjoy than the things we've tried previously, unfortunately it has only been running since we sold the car.

I feel oh-so guilty. I worry that her natural ability to make friends and draw people to her will diminish as she gets older because I have been a terrible mother in this respect. I've always loved to watch her interact with people in her own way, but now I wonder if I have not done enough to encourage and grow her social abilities.

The eldest girl continued to be rude to Ellie and the younger girl decided it was her park and started making a dash for anything and everything Kahlei looked like she was going to play on. Kahlei didn't notice, she's at an age where she's happy to acknowledge other children with a smile, but is happy to go about her own business and play on her own.

It seemed Kahlei's disinterest in what the girl was doing was making her cranky and all of a sudden she started pushing Kahlei and saying "Mine" as Kahlei made her way to the stairs. Of course, I wanted to jump up and yell at this girl, or maybe her parents who conveniently didn't seem to be seeing this when they were quick to jump up any time their oldest boy swung her maybe a bit too high or anyone spun her a bit faster on the whirly-gig. I didn't move, as I know it's important for the girls to learn to stand up for themselves, but I did give the girl a stern look. Kahlei just looked at her, stunned, before walking around her to continue on her way. The girl stood there and gave me a look, all proud of herself. She was obviously looking for a reaction from me as she'd not managed to get one from Kahlei.

Soon enough, this little girl was trying to push Ellie. I told Ellie, who reacted the same way Kahlei had, that she should not put up with children pushing her and if it happened again to say "Don't push me." Still, the parents didn't respond and the child just glared at me.

The last straw came when the elder girl was calling out "Look at me, look at me" and Ellie went over and said "Oh, good job!", to which the girl snapped "Not you! Go away." I collected my girls and took a few breaths to avoid storming over to the parents to yell "Your children are little sh*ts!" (which is a big deal for me to even think!) Though, as we were leaving I was telling the girls we might try to find a different park next week where there are less rude children. I was speaking rather louder than necessary. Secretly, I hope they heard me.

I am trying to tell myself that we will soon move, I'll have a car and support, Ellie will go to Preschool (Pretty School, as she calls it), we'll all go to Playgroup or something along those lines and all will be well. However, the longer I stay here the harder I am finding it to think positively. Especially, when I feel like I am stunting the girl's learning and growing as they should.

I know there will not always be nice children when we move, I know there will be trials but at least I wont be alone and both girls will have found someone to befriend. The thing I find most frustrating is that I can travel 4 - 5 hours to another park and find lovely people who talk to me and Ellie is always able to find nice children to play with. We've yet to have any issues at other playgrounds outside of our town. I just don't understand why people here simply don't like me. I mean, I have spoken to some nice people at the park but very rarely does it go past hello and it's more often than not that I am completely ignored when I greet other parents.

I have mentioned (and demonstrated) here my leaning towards being a stress-head over the years and even though I am trying to find and maintain a little bit of Zen in my life right now I seem to be discovering more things to feel anxious about instead.

Luckily, once James was finished in the yard we all went for a drive to look out at the ocean and play for a while. Thankfully, I have this beautiful family to put the smile back on my face.

The Whole Point: Booking In

The reason I decided to write about my 'Birth Plan' the other day was because of my experience while waiting for my booking in appointment the day before.

James and the girls came with me, as I wanted to be sure the girls would behave in the event that I acquire a car and start going to my appointments James-less. Plus, his presence meant he could answer the questions that I could not. Baby brain is my main mental state presently, after all.

I was quite nervous and hoped I would see a Midwife I knew and trusted, to put my mind at ease. Unfortunately, of the 7 or so Midwives there I saw only two I knew. The first, has been one of my primary carers for both births and I can't say she and I have ever had a rapport. She's a little snappy and blunt and I simply never felt comfortable with her, while in my vulnerable state. The second was around when I had Kahlei, but is one of those quiet people who go about their duties and you never have much interaction with.

When the first came out of the nursery, she looked at us and said "What? Another one?" as she walked away from us she followed that up with "I probably shouldn't say it like that." Probably not. I was feeling quite self conscious as all the Midwives I didn't know looked curiously at us.

The second was about to leave and stood awkwardly asking if we were booking in again.

I had already decided that I wanted to have Phoenix in our new town, but this reception really cemented that decision in my mind. It brought up memories of my time in hospital, especially of my first stay after having Ellie, where I spent a lot of time feeling alone, sometimes scared and often unsure.

I remember, one night, just after James left Ellie started screaming. She had tummy pains, I rang the buzzer because, seriously, what was I meant to do? I got up, as slowly as a person possibly can and in so much pain. I did what I could to help her but it wasn't helping. No one responded to my buzzer. Eventually, after much crying on both our parts, Ellie did her first (and most disgusting) poo. Even then no one came.

The girl in the room next to me had also had a c-section, just after me, and she was struggling with her baby no sleeping as well as her recovery. I am ashamed to admit that at times I was frustrated with her, simply because every time I needed someone to help me they seemed to be in her room. I didn't call for help often, but when I did I felt neglected and embarrassed. I still feel guilty about how I felt towards that poor woman in the next room.

With Kahlei, I have no idea about my stay, really. My memory of that time is somewhat blurry. The one thing I can remember clearly is the frustration I felt when I kept falling asleep halfway through a sentence...

Sitting there, waiting to book in and hearing our reception really brought it all back and I hate the idea of having another baby there. Not that I think another hospital will have perfect midwives who all like me... Still...

The Birth Plan (kinda)

Before Ellie's birth I immersed myself in forums, books and websites to inform and prepare myself for the impending arrival of my little bundle. I was obsessed with getting as prepared as possible. I worried about having the right amount of clothes in the right sizes for the right season. I worried about the nursery being the appropriate colour and theme. Once I got over my fear of labour, I worried about the birth and mulled over the decisions I was making. Just like any Mum-to-be does.

In the latter stages, I read through tonnes of Birth Plans as I wrote mine to ensure I didn't miss something important that could cause a problem at a time when my ability to make decisions might be impaired. I wanted the midwives, doctor and James to be informed and aware of my wishes.

By the time my due date came and went I was too busy trying to convince Ellie to get a wriggle on to think too much more about the plans I had made. At 41 weeks, when I saw my Ob, I completely forgot to take my plan with me. I ended up being induced and having to have an emergency Caesarean. Both were on my 'do not want' part of the plan, along with intervention.

I gave myself time to come to terms with the situation. For a day or so I wondered what ill effects would come of not experiencing the birth I had wanted, but honestly, the guilt I thought I should feel simply wasn't there. I decided to give myself a break. After all, the birth wasn't horrible, in fact in was smooth and calm. My recovery was easier than I expected. I had no regrets and knew I had done the right thing.

Before Kahlei's arrival, I did the same preparation as I did with Ellie. Only this time I was researching VBAC vs repeat caesarean. I was surprised to find the passion for one verses the other. Wading through the scores of personal beliefs and experiences I found so much negativity and judgement from those who have done the opposite of others. I had to step back from the online communities and focus on facts and research to make my decision. I spent some time thinking I should want to attempt a VBAC, after all, I had wanted to birth Ellie as naturally as possible. The choice to have a repeat c-section was not an easy one to make, but it was the right one for my situation and baby.

The only thing I had on my, now mental, "Birth Plan" was the fact that I did not want to be put under general anesthetic for the birth. Missing out on the first moments of my child's life was the last thing I wanted. So, guess what happened? Yup, I was put under. After a drama less delivery of Ellie I was less than thrilled with my second time experience. I barely remember my time in the hospital, I suppose someone was bringing me the baby to feed as she survived! My recovery was lengthy and painful. Even though it was not a great experience, I stand by my decision and know it was the right thing for Kahlei.

19 months later and here we are again. Honestly, this bub was not planned. I had rules and the most important one has yet to be met. As much as I wish I was a super mum who could cope without the support of close friends and family, I simply can't. I need to take a break from time to time and when we have to travel 5 hours away to get that it's kind of negating the whole reason as traveling is taking so much out of me currently. I need to spend time with adults and not spend so much time lonely.

Tomorrow I will be 20 weeks, marking the halfway point. This pregnancy is going much faster than the other two, probably because I now have two busy toddlers demanding most of my time. I have again researched my options and decided on a 3rd c-section rather than a VBA2C. I have accepted that this is how I have my children and come to my decision peacefully. I do feel nervous about the prospect of having another bad experience, but I am hoping to avoid a GA.

The only thing I really, really want for this birth (other than to be awake) is to have Phoenix in our new town. One of the saddest things about my previous hospital stays was the lack of visitors. I feel sad that there wasn't many people to share the joy of my precious new babies. I want to be surrounded by people who love and care about me and my family at such an important time. Luckily, my mum has been here for both births and my dad was here for Kahlei's otherwise I would have felt so much worse! I want the organisation of my time in hospital to be easy and I want to be able to have people on hand to lean on once we go home.

I want there to be someone who might pop around with a cooked meal or to play with the girls while bubs and I nap. I want to be able to call someone and have them come visit so I don't go insane from lack of adult conversation during the day.

I wonder if I write it out in a plan format if I will get what I want?

Over it!

Today I went to Emergency as I've had very bad pains in my timmy and back and I haven't felt Phoenix move for a few days. I just wanted to make sure bubs was okay. So, I waited an hour before seeing teh doctor and he tells me I had some blood in my urine, then he checks his paper work and corrects by saying "There was a lot of blood in your urine." then he told me I had a UTI and gave me some pills. He also told me to "rest as much as possible." I love that, with two toddlers 'rest' isn't a word a know too much about!!

Between this and my chest infection I am so over it all. Everything hurts. I am not with it, my brain just isn't functioning and I am so tired all the time.

16.5 weeks down, I kinda want it to go faster but at the same time it's already going to fast and the idea of having three children under 4 in five months is kind of freaking me out!

Why have I never been a 'glowing' pregnant woman, with energy in the second trimester and an enjoyment of the experience? Or is that a fable? It would just be awesome to be enjoying this right now!!

7...

A week doesn't seem all that long and yet at the same time it does. A whole week of being hugely pregnant in the heat, a mere week to make sure everything is ready, a whole week before I get to meet my baby girl, a mere week to get Ellie back into some good habits... I could go on forever.

It's good and it's bad...

***

Yesterday I tried to get Ellie to sit in her new car seat as she has been a tad reluctant to do so, even though she's been excited about it since it arrived and knows it is hers...

Maybe it's strange for her because it looks like her car seat (same colour and all) just grown up.

Since she still wouldn't sit on it I put one of her babies on it (Jamie, my Magic Nursery Baby from when I was little), flipped out one of the drink holders and put her drink in it and waited... Unfortunately, she didn't seem all that interested so I snapped a pic of Jamie and went back to the kitchen.

Wouldn't you know it, as soon as I started stacking the dishwasher she decided to climb on!

Typical!

I'm glad, since we'll be putting it in on Saturday. I was starting to worry that she was going to freak out about moving seats and then have issues when Bubby goes into her old seat less than a week after she first uses hers!

I think she's really into the drink holder! She sat there for some time, putting her drink away then getting it back out for a drink.

She hugged her baby and was very cute :)

Some quick details on the seat:

Safe 'n Sound Maxi Rider AHR:

* Converts from a forward facing seat for 8-18kgs to a booster for children up to 26kgs

* Features AHR (Active Head Restraint) Technology - just like her old Meridian care seat did - which protects her little head from side impact.

* Cushioned all over, drink holders (on both sides), arm rests and a recline position

James did his research and this is the best for safety. It looks really good, too. I think the two seats will look good together.

She looks so big in it! She's is growing up so fast!

Well, we have another load of washing to hang, now (that's like the fourth today)!

9...

The countdown is well and truly on and we're into single digits!

Ellie and I are still not feeling great, we've had another early nap - unfortunately someone knocked on the door and woke her before she was ready so now she's really quite grumpy.

I wanted to get on top of the laundry and organise this, that and the other this week but now I am not so sure everything will get done. They're just the little things (like rearranging cupboards and such) that I think I would like to see done before Bubby arrives because who knows when I will get time again?

Okay, I have to go and see if Ellie will have another sleep, she is being a complete misery guts!

10...

That's right. Only 10 days until Bubby arrives! How did it get soooo close? I'm starting to feel quite nervous about the prospect of another c-section. It's different this time around, knowing that's what's going to happen. With the emergency c-section, there wasn't time to worry about it because I just wanted Ellie to be out and okay, this time I have to do all the preperation. This morning I made an appointment with the anesthetist, I couldn't get in until the 2nd of December even though it's recommended you see them 10 days before your operation. I tried to make the appointment on Friday but we couldn't get a line out as a Telstra cable had been cut.

On the 3rd of December I have an appointment with my doctor, so I plan
on going to Playgroup that morning and leaving early to gothere. I feel
like I am going to be busy the few days before having her!

I've also started to really worry about having two babies! Ellie is being extremely challenging currently and I just find myself going "What were we thinking?!" I wonder how she will react to us bringing a baby home. She loves babies when we're out and about... but, that's very different to having a crying one in your room at 3am. I am thinking we may have to move the cot into our room, it will be a bit of a squeeze as our room isn't all that big but we can't afford to buy a bassinet and if having both of them together is an issue we won't have an option.

***

Ellie had me up before 5am this morning, I hadn't been sleeping all that well as we're both feeling under the weather. Luckily, I was able to get her to have a sleep with me - we got into bed at about 9.30 after I let her watch In the Night Garden but she wasn't tired so I just let her roll around the bed for half an hour or so (she loves that). After that we got up for a nappy change before popping back in bed where she fell asleep almost instantly. I was just drifting off when there was a knock at the door - Ellie's new car chair had arrived (at last!). My neighbour had signed for it as the parcel man didn't hang around at the door for long at all and I had to untangle my arm from my sleeping babe without waking her, so she came up and knocked after I'd brought in our parcel so I had to have a bit of a chat before I could finally go to bed.

At about midday James rang to check on us and woke Ellie, who swiftly turned into Little Miss Grumpy. She didn't want to get up, she didn't want me to give her a hug. She just sat there crying until she had decided she'd had enough then she sighed and snuggled up to me and fell asleep again! I fell asleep and when she next woke and gave me a hug to wake me it was 2.15pm!

At first I was a little bit worried that she had slept that long and we hadn't had anything to eat since brekkie but since getting up she's been so much happier and doesn't sound nearly as conjested as she did. I am also feeling better, although I think it might have more to do with the panadol I took when I got up because my head was pounding and my throat felt like it was on fire.

Hopefully we're on the mend, as I am not sure what would happen about my operation if I were sick... I have done some reading and some people say they will still do it while others say it's too risky. I will try to rest (while trying to get everything left to organise done), get better and if things are still not good I will ask at my appointment. Fingers crossed I won't have to wait longer than 10 days - I'm over being pregnant already!!

Okay, Ellie and I are off to do some cleaning! Fun.

Home Sweet Home!

I am utterly exhausted and plan to stay at home for the rest of the week! This morning was playgroup, so we got ourselves sorted and out the door even though all I wanted to do, now that I am suffering terrible pregnancy related insomnia along with getting up to Ellie during the night and our early mornings, was sleep.

On the way out I twisted my ankle, I am so unco these days! We popped to the shop to get something to take along and Ellie kept trying to run off, making poor me hobble (ankle) and waddle (biiig belly) after her. Fun.

Ellie had a wonderful time a playgroup. She loves to push the dolls around in prams, throw then balls and play with the playdough. Today she also found the little kitchen they have, she had a great time closing the fridge door, throwing her head back and pretending to laugh.  She had a little boy try to push her off a bike but she stood her ground, which is good as I had worried about how she would cope with 'bossier' children. It's still hard for me to get to know the mum's there as I have come to realise that even the new mums are locals and everybody knows everybody from something, so they're much more interested in catching up with each other than getting to know me. I understand that, so I will just hope it gets better.

We had to leave early for a midwives appointment, Ellie wasn't thrilled about that!

Once home Ellie went to bed. I didn't have to go into her once, she cried a little but settled pretty quick. I went in and found her like this:

How cute is her hand on her baby? Unfortunately, this bliss didn't last long as our neighbour's veranda is prectically right next to her window and for some reason her visitors CAN NOT be quiet when they arrive! They stamp up her stairs, yelling out to her as they go and then she gets to the door and is just as noisy in greeting them. It annoys me beyond belief. What's wrong with knocking like a normal person? Seriously. I went in and climbed into bed with her to settle her and we had a little sleep - not a long one, though, as another visitor arrived and you only get one chance to re-settle Ellie for day sleeps! I wish we had been able to sleep longer because I am feeling like crap, but she's being good - having some arfternoon tea and watching the weird little bird that seems to think it lives on our veranda.

Well, I had best get something more done before Ellie's finished.